| Tuesday, March 29, 2005 |
| In the beginning... |
I don't even know why I'm here writing this, but there are too many things and thoughts inside that I can't keep it all in anymore. Janet is normally the one I release all of this out on but sometimes I don't feel like being a burden to her {she's so good to me I thank God for such a BEST friend}. If I didn't speak to her I would write but for some reason nothing is flowing lately.
I just needed some where that I could let the tears of my soul fall and the screams of my heart out without hearing opinion or having to explain the way I feel and think. I feel like a whirlwind amongst breezes not really goin with the flow and that scares me because all the while I'm bending grass blades in my direction.
Before anything that I am or dream of being I am a daughter of the most high God through Jesus Christ my #1 man!!! I'm not the perfect Christian but I strive for perfection {still pressin for the mark J lol} and right now I am SO happy for the things that He has done for me-He keeps on doin great things for me that I don't even deserve or am I qualified to receive. But in the matters of my heart...I've heard many people say that we can't make love the MOST important thing on our mind, and it's not, my work is first but what do you do when your heart constantly wants your attention.
Three years ago, mine became someone else's. He was the center of its joy-his voice calmed me, his smile made her smile, his words inspired her words and her walk, SHE WAS TOO HAPPY TO HAVE HIM APART OF HER WORLD!!! and then out of no where he lets go... It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life {and I have torn my meniscus in my left knee b4}. I stressed all day and when the sun went down and the lights were out I cried ALL night.He let go and went on to hold someone else's heart, I can't imagine what it is that made his mind shift. We spent a looooong time not speakin but I realized that even though we weren't in constant communication we still thought the same and felt the same and one day we were on the EXACT same wavelength...so I called.
As we spoke, just speakin to him like my boy again felt so good and I found out that at the time that I had been goin through some things-they were goin through the same!!! I didn't know how to take that but we spoke and things are gettin better, we're friends again I just have to keep tellin myself to keep these feelings that keep tryin to rise up, under subjection...I just need the Lord to help me keep this promise and not let it fail but this period of waiting is so nerve rackin I don't know how much more I can take!!! I know that right now I'm supposed to be waiting on God's answer and sometimes me in my simpleness as a human make things happen and I try to create a descision for God...LORD HELP YA DAUGHTER!!!
But thank you for listening, I'm sure I'll be back with more...
Dr.CH, M.D. |
posted by DSweet1 @ Tuesday, March 29, 2005  |
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Name: DSweet1
Home: Philly by way of BROOKLYN, NYC/PA, United States
About Me: A newlywed/new mom starting a brand new chapter in life and determined to make life the most it can be from here on out!
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