<Sweet Source>

Words in Ripples...

...a destiny of streams, a reality of rivers, a hope for oceans, but a vision of seas...

Friday, April 01, 2005

In two...

Why is it that when we find someome that unashamedly loves you, you always try to do something to mess things up??? There's a man in my life that I know without a doubt adores me {other than my Daddy} but I can't feel the same way about him because my heart is wrapped up in this other fool who at times I can't even tell if he's feelin me the same way, and that's not fair to him.
I've done somethings that should've made him hate me and never speak to me again but he surprised me and got mad but then turned around and said "Let's chalk it and work on what we got" WHAT!!!??? What thug from Brooklyn you know gonna just ova look something like that??? He's one in a million. I love him but it's a differnet kinda love for some reason...there are so many pros and cons to weigh out that make it a lil hard.
Right now he's not in school but he's workin, but I'm in school and I'm working??{that I still can't understand} He still doesn't know what he wants to do with his life, I'm on my way to being a doctor {you're 21, you should be on your way somewhere} My mom HATES him {if ma ain't happy the realtionship usually has a strain on it} my Daddy ain't too thrilled about him either {Daddy's opinion is really important too}, my best friends all know that he's NOT the one and they make that very clear because we're so different, ambition-wise {but sometimes ya girls only look on the outside, but then again sometimes I pay too much attention to the inside :-(}, then it seems at times that he would want me to carry him, and lead him to his future {Jamaican men ain't led nowhere, so this was new for me and I can't take care of anybody from scratch right now, not with BioChem tryin to kill me} but then again...
He's so good to me for no reason {rarely will you find a 21 yr old man from the streets of Brooklyn willingly layin everything out in the open}, he loves me without question and I know that if ever I needed something he would go out of his way to get it for me {but what's gonna happen when we're truely grown and REAL situations come up and my job is the far superior one, who do I lean on then???Mommy and Daddy???-I don't think so!!!}he's supportive and willing to learn about God {a wonderful plus}.
And it ain't easy when he has such a competition who has his share of flaws-TRUST!!! but also so many pluses that outweigh the cons sometimes...
And now I'm scared I messed things up...I made a promise to God so that he would show me which way to proceed but I haven't been keepin it too well, so either I might not get any answer or He'll punish me for not being true to Him.
One heart, two directions it's only a matter of time before it tears at the pressure...but is she the one pulling it in the wrong direction??? or should it even be in the midst of the two pulls??? Lord what do I do???
Dr. CH, MD.

posted by DSweet1 @ Friday, April 01, 2005

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