<Sweet Source>

Words in Ripples...

...a destiny of streams, a reality of rivers, a hope for oceans, but a vision of seas...

Saturday, June 21, 2008

UnPretty Rut

You eva had one of those 'There's nothing about me that's pretty' ruts?? Lately I've been finding sooo many flaws in my appearance and it's startin to get to me. I hate feeling this way, it kinda feels weak but I do.
My eyes are big so I have to be very careful with the eye make up, my skin could be better, my hair does it's own thing when it feels like doing it, I wish I had more defined legs...man I think i really could go on and on.
Am I the only one who has these crazy moments when nothing about you feels right?? Mentally i feel fine in the sense that school's going well, my fam is pretty much the same, finances are in order for the most part, the Mr is home, and I'm def prayin more-so in that realm I'm ok how then could i be havin such a crazy un-pretty rut???

Hopefully this will pass...

posted by DSweet1 @ Saturday, June 21, 2008 1 comments

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Jonesin on my Best Friend

I've know J Michelle damn near all my life and never thought that there would be anyone that could replace her or come close to it but I can honestly say the Mr is truly my best friend. Through everything that we've been through in this year that feels like ten he's the one thing that has remained constant, human, but constant. Trust we have slip ups and he gets on my last nerve and I'm so sure when i get into my girl mode i get on his too but after everything clears he's still there. After seeing me sick, throwin up and all he can STILL turn around and tell me I'm the prettiest girl in the world and I never thought I cared about things like that but hearing it from him makes me smile so big it's crazy. When I feel like i'm not doing everything that i should and sometimes rightly so, he's right there telling me to take a break and that I'm the hardest working woman he knows. Just him being there makes everything that much better.
I never thought I'd feel like this..and the sad part is I thought I was in that head over heels madly in love kinda love and those emotions got NOTHING on these that I've found for him.
I feel like I can feel it in my bones that this is it...i really want to...this new road is making us a lot stronger and closer and reveals so much more of ourselves to each other and to ourselves. I wish that everyone could feel this warmth all the time..its such a blessing to, after a long day of carrying yours and everyone else's baggage, come home and have someone volunteer to take all your load and put it to the side for you.
You make me crazy, drive me insane. You scare me beyond belief and piss me off to no end.
But you also make me feel the safest I've ever felt and the most loved and no matter how hard I want to dead you I know a part of me would always be lost if ever I could. I Love you Pvt. Jones!

WOW who would ever believe that I would be declaring all this in front of everyone like this lol lol..it'll probably be down in a few days lol.

posted by DSweet1 @ Saturday, June 07, 2008 2 comments

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Wave Updates

I-I have successfully completed my first year of Grad School at PCOM!!! 3 As and 2 Bs!! SO EXCITED and encouraged. I wasn't sure how this would turn out but thank God!!
II-My relationship with my mother has gotten better. We hit rock bottom, not speaking, saying really hurtful things, and then really looking at ourselves and actually LISTENING {more her} to what the other needed and now I can say we're ok. She's learning to respect my choices as a woman and allowing me my free reign to control what i do and I'm learning that as a mom she really feels like her job isn't over and I learned a little more about the way she thinks about the way she parented. So I pray it continues this way...
III-The Mr. graduated from Basic Training at Ft Benning! I never realized how much I really missed him but after 3 months apart and only communicating through letters I was TOOOOO happy to see him, hug him, kiss him, and all that! While there he was promoted to an E2 Private and Private 1st Class so he's doing really well and all his Drill Sgt. wanted him to go on to some other rank {of course i wasn't too supportive of these suggestions lol}. He seems to really like it which is scary but he assured me that from here on out we'd make choices together about this part of his life. So he'll be home soon and will finish school before he commits to anything else but of course their tempting him and he's doing so well they really want to see him go far. I told him to dumb down a little but of course Pvt. Jones is the STANDARD lol lol. We'll continue to pray on this.
IV-I recently relinquished my title as a god-mother to my first god child {the Mr's crazy sister-in-law's child, i think i mentioned her before}. It was a hard decision because I knew my relationship with him was at risk but I decided that I could no longer deal with a friendship that even dared to take as much if not more out of me as my relationship with the Mr.!! However, I recently found that my god sister is 8 weeks pregnant with my future god-child. While she drives me crazy too there is definitely more good then stress so this task I'm up for.
V-My summer is looking really good, even though I have to be back in class in august, the Mr and I are going to Puerto Rico for his birthday in August and the girls and I will be in LA next month and of course I'll be between Philly and Brooklyn and now VA to see my god sister. So i'm kinda excited.

Enjoy the sun!!

posted by DSweet1 @ Wednesday, June 04, 2008 0 comments

The Right Walk First

Since I've started this new phase in my life {'08} I've decided to become more organized. Anyone that knows me KNOWS that I've always lived in organized chaos but with that life I've always had a crutch, be it my mother, a friend, the Mr., reminding me of things that got lost in my pile so I've decided to take it all and get it together.
When I told the Mr of my plans he was supportive {we were still on a break} and then he hit me with a ton of bricks!!!
After layin me out for not taking care of myself the way i needed and therefore lashing out on him, he reminded me that he's always been there, always loved me and told me-in front of his First Sargent lol- that he knows that God placed him here to be my husband which meant being strong when i'm not, keeping the vision when i lost it, and pushin OUR bright future. I mean the man had me bawlin in the bathroom at WORK!!! I knew it was a fear that was causing me to push him away but I really wanted to see for myself whether or not I needed him or if he was just another crutch and I can honestly say he's not and I do. So we've decided to stick with it and work it out more when he gets home in 3 weeks!!! But then i stumbled upon Rev Waller of Enon Tab. Baptist Church and before I got too excited he put me back on the ground.
He has a premarital class that he and his wife conducted whenever an engaged couple wants him to marry them and he gave me blueprint of his program and let me know that I am not in a place of casual dating and if I choose to continue down this road then there are some there are some things that I needed to know. MAN!!!
I thought I had studied and mastered the roles of a christian man and woman as husband and wife but Rev Waller is WILDIN!!! GOD!!! the first question was Can you openly talk about your relationship with anyone? and of course I said yes and then he {the PASTOR, MAN OF GOD, one of MY COVERING MINISTERS} asked-Are you having sex?! OMG!! I wanted to crawl under the pew, down below the carpet, through the concrete!!! He saw my hesitation and then came at my neck and said "I thought you could speak openly about your relationship with anyone?" I felt like trash but I answered him and he told me the challenge is to feel my relationship out the way God intended, ask if this really who He has for me, challenge him to walk this new walk with me, try with all your might to avoid temptation.
One of my biggest hang ups was...I waited 21 years to give myself away and I started to give myself to the wrong person and luckily God forcefully removed said person but I really wanted to marry the person I chose and I really do believe that I made a very good choice but LOOOORD we'll see what comes next. I've told him about my convo with Waller and since he really respects the man he was willing to listen and then I challenged him to walk the walk with me the way we're supposed to before marriage and he agreed, he's even set up a meeting with Rev Waller when he gets back in 3 weeks!!! While this is not my life, it really is a big part and I truly pray that things work out in this department.

posted by DSweet1 @ Wednesday, June 04, 2008 2 comments

About Me

Name: DSweet1
Home: Philly by way of BROOKLYN, NYC/PA, United States
About Me: A newlywed/new mom starting a brand new chapter in life and determined to make life the most it can be from here on out!
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