<Sweet Source>

Words in Ripples...

...a destiny of streams, a reality of rivers, a hope for oceans, but a vision of seas...

Friday, September 12, 2008

LAVENDER DAYDREAMS...

So at first I wasn't going to blog about this but it really is driving me crazy. I've tried to ignore this wanting because I know it's not the right time, every thing is not in place as I envisioned it, my money is NOT quite ready like I would like, I am not where I would want to be in my life yet. MY MOTHER WOULD KILL ME!! But even with all these reminders of how much I need to forget about this it's really burning me UP!

For the past few months I've dreamt about and thought about having a lil one.

It doesn't help that the Mr wants one too and my brother and best friends keep telling me how great a mom i would be {and they have no clue i'm thinking about this}. One of my oldest friends is expecting her first child in December and I promised to be there all the way and while if this were to happen any other time I would be there, at this point i think if i'm just around a lil one it may ease these desires. But planning the shower, picking out gifts, the cake, and outfits for her lil girl just warms me up. How I know I'm losing it??? i'm even excited about the stroller, wipe warmer, and leap frog products LMAO!! Anyway, she's not where she would want to be in life right now, not married or finished with school and i see how hard it will be but she's home with her mom who is a really loving and thoughtful person naturally so she'll have GREAT help and I'm always ready to babysit and the father lives on her block. I know that if it were to happen now my mother would be pissed but come around but do i really want to be living with my mom when i have a baby? I NEED to be some one's wife before i even think of it. He needs to be able to run everything when i can't and he still has 2 years left in school.
But I really have no fear of it, i actually want to feel my stomach swell, i look forward to the kicks and movements of a lil one, i can't wait to teach my lil girls the things i wish someone taught me, show my lil men how a lady is supposed to act and be treated, pass on the lessons i have picked up along the way ::sigh::...DAYDREAMIN ON LAVENDER

but i'm gonna keep reminding myself it's not the right time and suppress this until it is...it's crazy yall lol

posted by DSweet1 @ Friday, September 12, 2008 2 comments

Updates, Dreams, and Disclosures

I finally got a break to come up for air and read posts and post one of my own...This is my last year and it's getting crazy!! We begin rotations in a few weeks and honestly I don't FEEL ready to be a PA-on my own, some one's life, aches, and pains and cures in my hand. The thought of going solo makes me so nervous. I second guess myself and sometimes behave like the kid who sits in the back of the class with her head down so the teacher doesn't notice I haven't raised my hand cuz I didn't do my homework. What's sad is I DID do the homework I just choke myself up and every time someone gives the exact answer I had in my head but didn't say I wanna slap my own damn self lol..i dunno maybe after the 1st two I'll get the swing of it.
OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!! Crazy roommate update! WHY DOES THIS BITCH GO TO MY SCHOOL?!?!? Of all the universities in Philadelphia, this psycho chooses my school?? When we were friends people would always say she wanted to be like me or do the things I did but I didn't think anything of it because I didn't think my life was that great or that I was doin anything that major but seriously, why PCOM?? She's not in the med program, she's not in the PA program, so why couldn't you choose any other Post Bacc program to enroll in you psycho stalker bitch!! The sight of her makes me want to pounce on her dumb ass but I breathe it out, remember that I only have a few months left here and that every other time she's done me wrong something bad happened to her and I didn't have to lift a finger-God took care of her and He will...sigh
::side note:: I know it's terrible but I actually felt some kinda way when I found out she was there because deep down I hate this girl sooo much that I would never want to see her progress. I'm praying to let that anger and hate go because I know I'd be blocking a blessing but I'm human i guess lol
The Mr and I are doing well, bumps in the road as every relationship has but I feel a lil stronger in this so I'm just praying through it. We'll have to separate when I move back to NY but its only temporary so we'll just cross that when we have to.
I've decided that after graduation I'll humble myself and move back home for a while. I have a few offers already with two hospitals so I know I'll have a job and I'll be able to save up and be better prepared to make the moves I want to when I'm ready. I hope my mother and I can make it, i hope it'll be as fast and as smooth as it is in my mind but who knows.
::Question: If your mother {whom you're close to} was in a situation you know is not right for her but she won't change it or get out of it because of a sad and sorry reason, as her child, how vocal can you be?? Is there a time where you forget that it's your mom and let her do something stupid with herself? When does it become rude and out of place??::
I'm still trying to keep up with my work out plans with my trainer and eating a lil better, but lately i have the baking bug and i've made a new discovery: I LOVE CUPCAKES! I might even start posting some of them on here lol. When i retire i'm opening a bakery, if i can wait that long lol. Can you imagine how much i can make off of all my nurse, md, residents and pa friends if i opened a shop near a hospital??? lol we'll see.

alright back to the books...

posted by DSweet1 @ Friday, September 12, 2008 1 comments

About Me

Name: DSweet1
Home: Philly by way of BROOKLYN, NYC/PA, United States
About Me: A newlywed/new mom starting a brand new chapter in life and determined to make life the most it can be from here on out!
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