<Sweet Source>

Words in Ripples...

...a destiny of streams, a reality of rivers, a hope for oceans, but a vision of seas...

Sunday, July 17, 2005

I Wish There Was Something...

They sky was dark, the air was thick, something just didn't seem right about yesturday...but I went on about my day as usual...
I had to go into work because there were some mishaps with the machines we run our blood samples on and of course this is the weekend I am on call as Senior Tech. :-( but anyway affter I fixed everything and got all the samples on the machines and all the patients that were waiting seen and took their blood, I made my way to campus where I supported Selah's Youth Conference {I'll explain about that later} but something still felt funny...I thought maybe I was over thinkin a few other things and people {I'll explain that later too} but I just couldn't shake it...
My mother called me this morning and told me that friend of mine that I grew up with hung herself yesturday. The last time I spoke to her was on her birthday in May and she was doing fine {as I thought}. I knew she was always a depressive but she was going to counseling but I guess it didn't help. She was an army baby and when she was 7 her family was living in Germany and her bunker was blown up and both her parents and all her uncles and aunts were killed and she survived with major burns all over her right side, she has a lil brother and luckily he was at a friend's house and was only a baby...so she's been through alot
but she's been makin it all her life too...she went to one of the top high schools in New York City and went to the University of Rochester and graduated early and was working on her Masters, I just don't know what could be that bad that one morning she got up, went to her basement, and hung herself... I can't imagine what that could have felt like to find her that way...
Her little brother and I were always close like brother and sister, his aunt called me after church crying, so I thought she was callin to tell me about Keisha but instead she called for me to talk to him because he tried to do the same thing in his room...God it can't get any harder...I called him and talked to him and he said he didn't really want to but she was the last that he had and that I left him too when I went away to school...that hurt so bad I tried not to cry and just be strong for him and get him to calm down but once I hung up that phone I BROKE!!! I know I don't call him like I should because I'm not a big phone person but I hope I haven't isolated myself so much that people want to talk to me and I'm not there...I promised I would be there for him and he told me he loved me and that made me feel a lil better but now I wanna be home but I have midterms and work so I can't be there for the funeral on Friday...I just need to get over these tears for now...

Please if ever things get so bad that you think death is the only way out, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE STOP and talk to someone...think about all the people you mean something to, think about how much you can accomplish if you just fight through it, you are so special, there is a reason you didn't die naturally, there's a reason they couldn't kill you, because you were MEANT TO LIVE!!! So please LIVE and if you feel that you need to get anything out and anything you wanna talk to me about I'm never to busy to hear you and offer a shoulder and if I'm not the one know that there is your Father above that loves you and would move Heaven and Earth if you just look to Him in Prayer...

Dr. C.H. {prayerfully}

posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, July 17, 2005

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