<Sweet Source>

Words in Ripples...

...a destiny of streams, a reality of rivers, a hope for oceans, but a vision of seas...

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Breathing Space

I've been in a relationship with The Mr. for a year and a half now and I have to say we've gotten pretty close and serious pretty fast. We fell in love pretty fast {even when I wouldn't admit it...i was still being analytical about the whole situation} and we became best friends even faster and with time and almost too much evaluation ::lol:: i've found it all to be real. My fear of living the same mistakes my parents made and are making keep my choked up in the emotions department so whenever my significant other makes a dumb move or does something out of pocket I immediately go to 'i will not look a fool' mode and dismiss them and everything that comes with them. In this relationship, I tried! Lord knows I've tried to pull my same maneuvers but here's where he's got me: he's my best friend {beside Janet} so he knows that fear, he's seen my parents and their relationship for who they are adn what it is and how it affects me, so he doesn't allow the maneuver.
He's so steadfast in 'we're going to work' and he tells me over and over again that this is a forever thing and I would sooo love to believe him but of course there's always something. His decision to join the army was so out of left field even though this was something he had always wanted to do. I felt like it was something I should have known and not just found out 3 weeks before you're scheduled to ship out to Basic. Also I really never wanted an army life, it never appealed to me in the least and I said so in the very beginning of our relationship when it came up in conversation so his choice and the way he did it led me to see it as he forced me into something i didn't want a part of even though he said he was doing it for 'us' i still have trouble seeing that. Recently we've been going through it and although my god mom says the first 2 years are the feeling out stages I don't know if I want to. Sometimes I think I'm letting my mother get in my head and subliminally dictate my thoughts and actions and I REALLY don't want to do that.
On top of all the craziness I have to deal with, I didn't expect the one relationship I find peace in right now to cause me so much headache and heartache. I told him tonite that I think I need a break just to clear my head and see what I really want. Right now I'm not sure if its because we have such a good friendship or if it really is an 'i can't see 10 years without you' situation. But does that make sense? Is it really a break or should I see it as a break up?? I used to say there was no such thing as a break because couples who paused normally never start back again because there was a big enough issue to cause the break. Are these issues that big? I don't know but I don't want to rush into anything and throw myself into a life long situation I didn't think long and hard about. Can I have the clarity without the break???
As you can see I'm OH SO CONFUSED lol lol I'm gonna keep praying about it and see if I can get an answer. Join me please.

posted by DSweet1 @ Saturday, May 10, 2008

2 Comments:

At 11:07 PM, poyesha said…

i feel you homie.. its hard and you really just gotta play the cards that were dealt to you.. i hate to say that 'if it was meant to be it will be' but that ish is so true.. me and K been going at it for 4 years now, broke up twice, on a break now, and he still somehow always ends back up in my life lol cant shake that nigga but all the times we spent apart, i didnt realize its worth till afterwards... so u may not see the reason now but u definitely will eventually
At 12:28 PM, Tranquility826 said…

OMG...pls stop it right now!! if this was not my situation not too long ago..but I'm def gonna second P-dizzle on this one..do what u feel needs to be done..as hard as you may try to see the future or plan it out, you can't..so instead of racking ur brain to do that, handle what's in front of you and make ur decisions off of that..it'll work out..jus breathe and pray!