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Words in Ripples...

...a destiny of streams, a reality of rivers, a hope for oceans, but a vision of seas...

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Does Mother Know Best??

I've tried not to put family business out there too much but for the past few months my relationship with my mother has been the hardest I've ever had to deal with. Anyone who knows me knows that I totally believe that my mother is in every sense of the word LEO. On the bright side she's a real mom:she protective, she's always giving advice, she wants the best for her brood, and she's a hands on parent. On the dark side though: she sooooo DRAMATIC, she's overbearing, pushy, arrogant, and most times out of place.
I've always been an independent person. I think for myself, make moves on my own accord, make my own decisions, and deal with issues as they come as I see fit. This does not work in my mother's world of 'I run everything'. I believe I am considerate of those that my actions may affect, especially her, but it is inevitable that I'm going to make a choice that's gonna step on someone's toes, including her.
In my current relationship, it's so obvious, I am sooo happy. Yes we've been through our drama and still have a lot to deal with but I'm satisfied. My parents have met him and they get along when they are together however once the party dies out, here she comes. Now my mother has a hang up about complexion, before I left for school she gave me an order: 'Don't come back here with anyone too dark! I worked to hard to get you your little complexion to spoil the gene pool.' I now believe its a little self-hate because my mother is not the darkest person but she's also not the lightest. My grandmother {her mom} is dark as hell, her grandfather who she adored was Dark as hell, and her brother who she loves is darker than anyone i know but her biggest argument for why I should not take the Mr. too seriously is that he's sooo dark. She also has an issue with his background and pedigree. His upbringing is not the same as mine, meaning he didn't start out in specialized schools and wasn't exposed to the kind of education I was. However, he's a very bright person, at the top of his class through high school, well versed in the legal system and operations of power, and a VERY ambitious soul.
She knows he wasn't in college when I met him, she knows he's from one of the worst parts of Philadelphia, and she also knows his parents aren't lawyers and doctors. She doesn't want to know that he was in school {and doing better than me lol} before he left for Basic, she also doesn't know that while he's from the worst part he lives in one of the better, she also doesn't even know his parents.Pedigree is important to me too, however my grandparents weren't highly impressive people, and i'm naturally NOT a judgemental person and my mother is. Her nose is constantly in the air and since I was a child I never understood it, didn't care for it, and as I got older freed myself from it and that pisses her off the highest level and I don't really care.
Who am I to look down on anyone? Who are the Howe family members to think we're better than anyone else? Yes there are some stars in the family but we're not royalty nor are we the best of anything to think so highly of ourselves.
We got into a heated argument yesturday and it DESTROYED my weekend. I do not believe that you should adamantly criticize and make fun of someone when you yourself have the same if not worst issue, which my mother does all the time. I do believe that if someone is doing that then they should be checked and corrected like "you can't say 'Oh who cares about her little secretary job' when you have NO job" or "Did you see how nasty her apartment was?" when you're entire house looks like trash...things like that burn me up!!! When she began to put that nose in the air, it was 7am on a Saturday morning when I have finals to study for mind you, I saw that she was just off and needed someone to finally tell her it was NOT ok. Fistly, as a mother I don't think you should know that your child loves and cares for a person and constantly try to find opportunites to tear that person apart and feel good about yourself in doing so. I've avoided talking to her about my relationship since the last time I had to hang up on her but she will purposefully find holes in our conversations to say something negative and it makes me sick. I bite my tongue because she is my mother but I am NOT someone you can constantly hit without turning around and knockin ya block off eventually. Secondly, with so many banes in her closet, with the issues of our family, with her history in love and marriage...she should be the LAST one to critcize how I handle myself in my relationship because we are very different in love and relationships.
She drives me crazy!!! She hung up the phone saying that she washed her hands of me, which she has said several times before. I felt a surge of freedom but I know that there is a possibility that she'll call during the week acting like nothing has happened. Should I let this aggrevation go? Should I make the first call {i don't see this happening}? How should I deal with my mother when she makes herself not like the man I love??? How is it that we can be best friends one minute and the next I wish she were a chick in the street so that I could fight her the way I want to?? lol
Please pray for me, I'm tired of this happening.

posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, May 04, 2008

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