<Sweet Source>

Words in Ripples...

...a destiny of streams, a reality of rivers, a hope for oceans, but a vision of seas...

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

The Right Walk First

Since I've started this new phase in my life {'08} I've decided to become more organized. Anyone that knows me KNOWS that I've always lived in organized chaos but with that life I've always had a crutch, be it my mother, a friend, the Mr., reminding me of things that got lost in my pile so I've decided to take it all and get it together.
When I told the Mr of my plans he was supportive {we were still on a break} and then he hit me with a ton of bricks!!!
After layin me out for not taking care of myself the way i needed and therefore lashing out on him, he reminded me that he's always been there, always loved me and told me-in front of his First Sargent lol- that he knows that God placed him here to be my husband which meant being strong when i'm not, keeping the vision when i lost it, and pushin OUR bright future. I mean the man had me bawlin in the bathroom at WORK!!! I knew it was a fear that was causing me to push him away but I really wanted to see for myself whether or not I needed him or if he was just another crutch and I can honestly say he's not and I do. So we've decided to stick with it and work it out more when he gets home in 3 weeks!!! But then i stumbled upon Rev Waller of Enon Tab. Baptist Church and before I got too excited he put me back on the ground.
He has a premarital class that he and his wife conducted whenever an engaged couple wants him to marry them and he gave me blueprint of his program and let me know that I am not in a place of casual dating and if I choose to continue down this road then there are some there are some things that I needed to know. MAN!!!
I thought I had studied and mastered the roles of a christian man and woman as husband and wife but Rev Waller is WILDIN!!! GOD!!! the first question was Can you openly talk about your relationship with anyone? and of course I said yes and then he {the PASTOR, MAN OF GOD, one of MY COVERING MINISTERS} asked-Are you having sex?! OMG!! I wanted to crawl under the pew, down below the carpet, through the concrete!!! He saw my hesitation and then came at my neck and said "I thought you could speak openly about your relationship with anyone?" I felt like trash but I answered him and he told me the challenge is to feel my relationship out the way God intended, ask if this really who He has for me, challenge him to walk this new walk with me, try with all your might to avoid temptation.
One of my biggest hang ups was...I waited 21 years to give myself away and I started to give myself to the wrong person and luckily God forcefully removed said person but I really wanted to marry the person I chose and I really do believe that I made a very good choice but LOOOORD we'll see what comes next. I've told him about my convo with Waller and since he really respects the man he was willing to listen and then I challenged him to walk the walk with me the way we're supposed to before marriage and he agreed, he's even set up a meeting with Rev Waller when he gets back in 3 weeks!!! While this is not my life, it really is a big part and I truly pray that things work out in this department.

posted by DSweet1 @ Wednesday, June 04, 2008

2 Comments:

At 1:09 PM, Tranquility826 said…

one word...DEEP
At 6:54 PM, poyesha said…

thats HUGE..... im really proud of you and i pray you guys make it thru that journey....