| Sunday, July 31, 2005 |
| From The Heart... |
Some time ago, I got the idea from someone to make a post called "From Me to You" and in this post I entered 10 lil letters to some people in my life that I wouldn't say{either because I'm not really that mushy or those people were not close to me} but in talking to my father last nite I realized that as I tell these people good I have some that I need to apologize to, either because I thought something about them, I acted out against them or hurt them ...When I admit these things I can be around these people & have a clear mind and not until I've truly become sorry for it will God let me move in the things that He has set up waiting for me. So in this blog I'm taking what I feel is my first step in saying sorry to these people and hopefully one day {some sooner than others} I can actually tell these people...Here goes:
Dear...,
You wanted nothing but the best for me and I slapped you in the face over and over. We're so much alike that it irritates us both and that has caused most of our rifts. But as I've grown and learned I realized that your love for me saw past all the things I've put you through, all the nights you worried about where I was or if I was alive, everytime I lost my temper, everytime I threw something in your face, and you loved me anyway. I'm so sorry and I'm sure I'll make mistakes in the future but I thank you for loving me anyway in advance and I'm taking this time to say I'm sorry.
Dear...,
I've finally figured out what your purpose was in my life. You came in at a time where I was vulnerable and a lil distant from God and it was your job to gather me up and bring me back to Him and introduce me to the one that He needed to teach me. You saw certain things and tried to help the way you felt you should and since then I've built up a wall against you but you always tried to look over it and help some more. You are in a position that silently I want for myself and for a lil minute I wanted you removed and for that I am soooo sorry. God is using you to do great things and I thank you for being used by Him to move me but now that your job is done I understand why we aren't close and I'm sorry for anything I've ever thought negatively about u and the cold shoulder I've shown you. I apologize.
Dear...,
I've loved you since the first night we spoke and it only got stronger with time. I've finally understood why I had to meet you, I haven't figured out whether or not you should be totally dismissed from my life or not yet but I'm sure with time we'll both figure out what we should be doing...but anyway I've helped in proving that stigma they put against the men in your family while at the same time praying for your breakthrough. Forgive me for being a hypocrite and while we just had a convo about this earlier thank you for still loving me but I still feel like I need to say I'm sorry.
Dear...,
Since the minute I met you, I couldn't stand you. I don't know what it was about you that made me not like you but I just didn't. The way you seemed to think you were so big and bad just made me wish that just one time you would come out your face to me so that I would have a reason to lay you out! But it really makes no sense now because you've never done anything to me and I've grown to know the stankness about you is somewhat a wall and front and you're not that bad. While we'll probably never be friends I just want to apologize for the thoughts and whatever I've ever said against your name. I'm sorry and I wish you luck.
Dear...,
I'm sorry. I've helped in your worst pain not thinking about how you would feel or even caring about it. There was a point where I saw your tears and couldn't care because I wanted what I wanted but now I'm being attacked something serious for not caring. I've been given a burden of love for you, wanting to talk to you, even befriend you. I don't really want to because it doesn't make sense so I stay my distance. But all in all one day I will finally tell you I'm sorry and hear what I feel like you have to tell me {whichever comes first} because I get a feeling like there is something you want to say to me too but one day we'll both get it out. But please know that I am sorry and I hope you can forgive me.
Dear...,
You will forever remember the horrible thing I did to you. That mark will be with you til death {unless you get surgery} and although I felt justified in doin it I know now that there was a better way I could've handled it and for that I'm sorry. When we see eachother the air is thick but we still say "what up" to eachother through tight lips and I'm really ready for that to be over so soon I will approach you and tell you exactly what I think and feel just for you to know I'm sorry.
Dear...,
You've loved me without reason...totally and honestly...and I've given u the impression that I felt the exact same way about u and I didn't. The way I feel for you does not equal what you feel for me and because of this I've done somethings to hurt u{some you know of some you probably will never know of} and for all of the drama I've put you through I'm sorry...
If I've ever done anything to hurt, offend, or harm you in anyway or if you think any of these were for you, know that I'm sorry, with God's help I'll admit the wrong I've done and apologize and make it right, only then are you a true woman in essence anyway. Please accept my apology and let's all move forward.
Dr. C.H., MD {prayerfully} |
posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, July 31, 2005  |
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| Thursday, July 28, 2005 |
| Happy...Busy... |
I don't really have much news to talk about right now, I've been so busy for the last few days-really non-stop!!! I'm just in a really good mood, very happy, enjoying summer {it's crazy cuz even though I'm a winter baby I hate the winter but the spring/summer season is my season that could be that the year I was born, March was hittin the 70 degree mark}
Even in the midst of this hectic schedule I created for myself I've been able to do what I love and do best-COOK!!! The Caribbean in me has been at full force but my sister-in-law sent me Patti LaBelle's cook book so I've been learnin how to really master Yankee food {for all Yankees, that means American...lol...Jamaican thing} So far we've had Curry Chicken, Rice&Peas, and Plaintains then we had Jerk Chicken {I miss havin a grill but it was still bangin}, then I decided to try Yankee food and my macaroni&cheese game is banging but my grandmother taught me that a while back but my fried chicken and sweet potatoes were good too...tonite it's either spaghetti or BBQ chicken-depends on how much energy I got...
I'm lookin forward to traveling a lot in the up comin weeks: Next week I'll be in Atlanta for Mega Fest and I'll be back on Saturday, the following weekend I plan on finally goin home to see my family and Mr. Man maybe hit a club with the ladies...then I'll be in Alexandria, Va to see my god-sister ChiChi and my ex who plays for Hampton, he's then tryin to take me to Baltimore,MD {I've neva actually been to B-more only drove through it, so that'll be an experience I guess}
Hope everybody is enjoyin this summer cuz Fall is right around the corner...
Dr. C.H.,MD {prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Thursday, July 28, 2005 |
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| Sunday, July 24, 2005 |
| It Is Well... |
When peace like a river attendeth my way When sorrow like sea billows roll Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say It is well, It is well with my soul! It is well, It is well With my soul, With my soul It is well, It is well, with my soul Though Satan should buffet Though trials should come, Let this blessed assurance control. That Christ has regarded my helpless estate And has shed His own blood for my soul!!!
When I was younger my mother would tear up when she heard this hymn because this was the last hymn her grandmother sang as she died. And I just looked at it as she's cryin because her grandmother's memory was triggered and her grandmother sang this song because it might have been the last hymn she heard in church...but now that I'm older and have experienced a few things first hand I'm able to understand that because Christ is the head of my life I'm ok and even though He doesn't give me "this", it's ok because He's already given my "that" and because I know this I will bless the Lord at all times and His praise shall continuously be in my mouth, and though I may be troubled on every side I will bless God because Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world and I know that He that has begun a good work in me shall perform it til the day of Jesus Christ so hard times will come, and friends will leave me, I'll spend days cryin and nights pacing the floor and I'll try my own ways and fail but it's ok, God's got me so IT IS WELL !!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!
Dr. C.H., MD |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, July 24, 2005 |
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| Wednesday, July 20, 2005 |
| What a Friend... |
I've always known that I was not the head of my life and I've always known that I don't show it but God has been so faithful to me even when I don't deserve it and as I write this entry tearfully I am in a place of total humbleness and gratefulness and recently one of my favorite hymns constantly replays in my mind and I felt like putting it out there since I really cannot formulate these thoughts any other way, so here goes...
What a friend we have in Jesus? All our sins and grieves He'll bear What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer? O, What peace we often forfeit? O, What needless pain we bear? All because we do not carry- EVERYTHING to God in prayer...
Can we find a friend so faithful, who will all our sorrows share? Jesus knows our every weakness. Take it to the Lord in prayer...
For seeing the lil bad child from Brooklyn and placing her above the standard even when she was comfortable just being a part, for taking things out and putting new things in, for knowing my name and every lil flaw about me and yet still find it fit to call me...Daddy, Lord, JESUS THANK YOU...
Dr. C.H., MD {prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Wednesday, July 20, 2005 |
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| Sunday, July 17, 2005 |
| I Wish There Was Something... |
They sky was dark, the air was thick, something just didn't seem right about yesturday...but I went on about my day as usual...
I had to go into work because there were some mishaps with the machines we run our blood samples on and of course this is the weekend I am on call as Senior Tech. :-( but anyway affter I fixed everything and got all the samples on the machines and all the patients that were waiting seen and took their blood, I made my way to campus where I supported Selah's Youth Conference {I'll explain about that later} but something still felt funny...I thought maybe I was over thinkin a few other things and people {I'll explain that later too} but I just couldn't shake it...
My mother called me this morning and told me that friend of mine that I grew up with hung herself yesturday. The last time I spoke to her was on her birthday in May and she was doing fine {as I thought}. I knew she was always a depressive but she was going to counseling but I guess it didn't help. She was an army baby and when she was 7 her family was living in Germany and her bunker was blown up and both her parents and all her uncles and aunts were killed and she survived with major burns all over her right side, she has a lil brother and luckily he was at a friend's house and was only a baby...so she's been through alot
but she's been makin it all her life too...she went to one of the top high schools in New York City and went to the University of Rochester and graduated early and was working on her Masters, I just don't know what could be that bad that one morning she got up, went to her basement, and hung herself... I can't imagine what that could have felt like to find her that way...
Her little brother and I were always close like brother and sister, his aunt called me after church crying, so I thought she was callin to tell me about Keisha but instead she called for me to talk to him because he tried to do the same thing in his room...God it can't get any harder...I called him and talked to him and he said he didn't really want to but she was the last that he had and that I left him too when I went away to school...that hurt so bad I tried not to cry and just be strong for him and get him to calm down but once I hung up that phone I BROKE!!! I know I don't call him like I should because I'm not a big phone person but I hope I haven't isolated myself so much that people want to talk to me and I'm not there...I promised I would be there for him and he told me he loved me and that made me feel a lil better but now I wanna be home but I have midterms and work so I can't be there for the funeral on Friday...I just need to get over these tears for now...
Please if ever things get so bad that you think death is the only way out, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE STOP and talk to someone...think about all the people you mean something to, think about how much you can accomplish if you just fight through it, you are so special, there is a reason you didn't die naturally, there's a reason they couldn't kill you, because you were MEANT TO LIVE!!! So please LIVE and if you feel that you need to get anything out and anything you wanna talk to me about I'm never to busy to hear you and offer a shoulder and if I'm not the one know that there is your Father above that loves you and would move Heaven and Earth if you just look to Him in Prayer...
Dr. C.H. {prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, July 17, 2005 |
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| Thursday, July 14, 2005 |
| Proverb's Virtue:31 |
...Who can find a virtuous wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life. She finds wool and flax and busily spins it. She is like a merchant's ship, she brings her food from afar. She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for the household and plan the day's work for her servants...She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She watches for bargains, her lights burn late into the night...She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. She has no fear of winter for her household because all of them have warm clothes...She dresses in royalty in gowns of finest cloth. Her husband is well known, for he sits in the council meeting with the other civic leaders...She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions. She carefully watches all that goes on in her household and does not have to bear the consequences of laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her. "There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass then all." Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.
~*Proverbs 31:10-31*~ |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Thursday, July 14, 2005 |
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| Never Underestimate Mercy!!! |
So I stayed up all night for the past two nights studying for my Immunology Midterm this morning. My prof. gave us a review sheet and a practice exam which I've been going over faithfully since Saturday but for the last two days I was not motivated to do anything, and last night was the worst!!! I couldn't focus and I couldn't concentrate and eventually I fell asleep...T D Jakes was on TBN last night with all these people who are gonna be at Mega Fest in August {I cannot wait to go!!!} and that also took some more of my attention. I got all excited about what can happen when we all finally get down there and then I realized "Damn, it's 3 in the morning and I haven't gotten passed the first 30 questions of JUST the review sheet and the test looks like hieroglyphics!!!" I almost cried it was so frustrating, so I just started prayin for mercy and before you knew it, I was knocked out...
@ 6 I got back up and studied some more, the test was at 9:30. So I went a lil nervous but before any test I take I always say a prayer that the Lord would refresh my mind and give me the ability to remember everything I've studied and the test just flew passed me! It was an online exam that was 2 hours long and at the end when we submit it you can see your grade and I got an 84.98 which in this class is a B!!!
Praise God for Mercy!!! now I can really sleep...In the entry before this one I added Proverbs 31, which is one of my favorite passages, mainly because someone asked me a question about it...I hope any female that passes over my page reads that and understand what standard we all should live up and that in our lives we should all strive to be Proverb's Virtue...
Dr. C. H. {prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Thursday, July 14, 2005 |
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| Tuesday, July 12, 2005 |
| Inside Out... |
1.Zodiac- Pisces
2.Hometown-BROOKLYN, NEW YORK!!
3.Favorite Food-Oxtails and Rice&Peas, Shrimp
4.Favorite Song right now-The Takeover:Jay Z
5.Who is your Best Friend?-Janet
6.What is your greatest insecurity?-That I'd neva amount to all of my dreams
7.What is your biggest pet peeve? Girls with a great spillage {multiple rolls} over their jeans wearing tight shirts =-o
8.If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?-My dreaminess, I need to be a lil bit more grounded {my mother tells me this all the time}
9.If your friends were asked to describe you, what do you think they would say?-BROOKLYN, Christian,Loyal, Advisor,Smart Ass...i dunno
10.Ultimate Career Choice- Gastrointestinal Ocogological Surgeon
11.What is included in your 5 year plan? Graduate Drexel and make it to Med School or at least workin on another Master's Degree, in a city I love, closer to the Lord, and makin moves that will make life better for the family...
12.What is your ultimate fantasy?-Fall in love with someone with no doubts about it...Make it to Heaven
13.Have you ever kissed someone that was someone else's? hmmm...sadly, yea...lol
14.How many times have you been in love? 1
15.Have you ever cried over a guy/girl {based on your sex}? Yea {can you believe that mess???}
16.Who do you talk to when things get deep? Mostly I keep things inside but when I do talk: Christ, Janet, Rhonda, Thalia
17.Where would you live if you had an open choice? NEW YORK, Atlanta, or Miami
J passed this on to me so I'm passin this on to whoeva wants to take it...it's a typical girly quiz but it's ight...lol...anyway gotta go
Dr. C.H.,MD {prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Tuesday, July 12, 2005 |
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| Monday, July 11, 2005 |
| Motivation |
Every great thing goes through some hard times But when blessed, those challenged, through the rubble will rise Ignore "Too blessed to stressed" Everything blessed goes through some kind of test. It's one's faith that passes or fails Believe in His Word and through any test you can do anything but fail...
I needed something to get me over this lil hump I'm facin right now...I got midterms on top of midterm on top of working these crazy hours to make sure that I can pay for this retarded school. This degree better count for something or I'm blowing somethin up!!! LOL nah I wouldn't have no money to buy the bomb or energy to build it...lol...but I guess I gotta just get back to it-Say a prayer...
Dr. C.H., MD {prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Monday, July 11, 2005 |
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| Friday, July 08, 2005 |
| Friends are Human... |
This is only to answer a question I was posed with...Still NOBODY'S pastor ;-)
Ok, how do you deal when a friend that you put all your trust in and confide in turns their back on you suddenly?? How do you accept it when you put your neck and reputation out on the line just to teach them something and help them with a hard time in their life and they give you their ass and totally disregards your feelings??? The servant is no greater than the Master...{you'll understand what I mean when I'm done}
Remember after the Last Supper when Jesus knew that He was gettin ready to go through the words pain he's ever felt in his life, He left His disciples to pray while He went aside to pray for Himself. They argued that they would never leave Him and that they would protect Him because they had been together for so long, He's been there for them, His word changed their lives and they were stronger because He was with them. When Jesus tried to tell them that He was leaving them and that He was going to prepare a way for them, they didn't get it because they couldn't get it, but they were "willing" to go through the hard time with Christ so they promised to stay up and pray with Him. But Jesus went aside and prayed so hard that He began to sweat!! and then the sweat became like drops of blood!!! He agonized in prayer for an hour and when He went back to them they were fast asleep!!! These same guys that said they would stick with Jesus all the way could not even wait and pray for an hour.
Jesus asked, "Couldn't you stay awake and watch with me even an hour??" 3 times He went back to them and found them asleep because they were human and couldn't keep their eyes open {remember this was right after the Last Supper, so they probably caught the itis} what Jesus was gettin ready to go through, no man could even conceive the thought. But it wasn't for them to conceive or even go through because they weren't sent but Jesus bein part man wanted to know that someone was in His corner, praying with and for Him, watching with Him, keeping Him company during this hard time in His life and the ones He loved were asleep...
In our cases, there are times when we gotta go through somethings on our own. We can look to the left and Mommy and Daddy got their own problems and are no longer there for you. You can look to the right, and the friends you love that tell you they will always be there for you are gone about their business, either with new friends, jobs, issues, or relationships and aren't there for you. Yes you will feel betrayed and yes there will be hurt and pride issues but look over it...There's a time for everyone who's growing be left alone, no one to lean on but Christ. They're human too and when you're goin through this time, God may be settin them up to go through their own special time where you, who have been their crutch in some way must now be removed so He can see how they'll walk without you...
But you'll know the friendship is something real if you still care, if you see them doin something stupid and it hurts you, when they get involved in relationships you know will only distract them and you try to help them once again. Jesus's best friends turned their backs on Him because they couldn't help it so that He could be prepared to face the Hell in the morning and your friends may turn their backs on you too because there is something you gotta face by yourself, so they can't stay awake with you because they can't-they can't go where you're going and they can't feel what your gonna feel and in the end what you sweat blood about may actually turn around and bless them when the Hell is all over and your stone is rolled away...
But if the friendship is fake and someone just gave their behinds to you because you helped them and now they're "better" than you then you need to just like that nigga go!!! If you stayed up with them, prayed with them, fasted with them and then all of a sudden things begin to work out for them and they have the Negrosity to dismiss this friendship "shake the dust" of that friendship and move on...
Stay faithful because He's faithful and remember that humans got flaws too...every season in your life is not meant for you to go through with company-you learn how to cope with hard things better when you're by yourself anyway. The world turned their backs on Jesus because they couldn't understand what He had to do and the servant is no greater than the Master, so if Christ had to feel it, guess who's gonna feel it next???
Dr. C.H., MD {prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Friday, July 08, 2005 |
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| Thursday, July 07, 2005 |
| Confessions |
Because it was cloggin my brain I had to get it out...
Confession #1- I messed up. I didn't wait the way I knew I was supposed to wait and I may have messed up something for myself that I've been praying for, crying for, but couldn't wait for....
Confession #2- Although there was no friendship there before the drama, I played a major part in making sure a friendship could never grow and now I can't help wondering "What if???" but then I tend to ask if it's even that important, they probably don't care one way or another. Yet it still bothers me because I care about them somewhat {why??? I don't know}...
Confession #3- I pulled ranks tryin to prove that someone was not so important or special as another claimed them to be, and although I got the answer I was looking for I feel bad about what I did and still much hasn't changed {mainly cuz I don't know how to change anything}. And now more questions clog my mind about this topic.
Damn sometimes the brain and the heart just don't get along but it's worst when the spirit is against them both, who wins???
One minute I'm cool with everything and am dead sure I've totally thought everything through but then I stop and question every move I've made and I still can't get myself to regret anything but my conscience makes me look at myself and my motives a lil funny...I can give good advice, and some people tell me I give the best they've ever gotten, yet I can't talk to myself sometimes...
Dr. C.H., MD {prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Thursday, July 07, 2005 |
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| Tuesday, July 05, 2005 |
| 4th of July 2005 |
I have to say this has been the greatest July 4th weekend I've ever had...I don't think I could've done it any better or with any better set of friends in any other city...let's start from the beginning...
Friday-nothing really special, I went to Immuno lab for 4 hours!!! What one class is that long, madness...then I went to work til 11:30, needless to say I was beat.
Saturday- now the fun begins, the roomies and I went to see Live 8 and there were so many people and we with our ignorant selves skipped into the park and made our way to the front so we got a perfect view-sorry to whoever we pissed off LOL, nah not really...then I get a call from my girl Jailayh who tells me she put me on the guest list for the All White 4th of July party at the 40/40 club!!! {Many of you know Jailayh as the leading lady in Beanie Man's King of the Dance Hall video, and 40/40 is Jay Z's nite club in NYC} I wasn't even sure if I was goin home but now I was definitely sure!! I called Rhonda up and we all went out to Brooklyn. Then my boy Hakim who played at Syracuse U. called me and cussed me out for not congratulating him, HE GOT DRAFTED TO THE NBA!!! He's goin the Grizzlies!! I was too happy for him and he was in NY for the weekend so we met up with him and an old "friend" of mine at Justin's for the celebration dinner and then partied at the Supper Club in Uptown...didn't get in til 6 in the morning {so of course you know I spent the nite in Harlem...lol I was not takin no train to Brooklyn by then}
Sunday-Well we all got up around 12 and my brother, sister-in-law, and niece Kelsey came in to town so I headed back to Brooklyn to see them and she is SOOOOO CUTE!!! I'll get a pic of her up here soon she'll be 2 in two weeks :-). My hair was all over the place and I had to get that under control for the 40/40 Club just in case Jay was gonna be there ;-)...Anyway we all looked too cute but we looked like a lil gang it was about 8 of us that went together and everybody got along and nobody was really too tacky either. It's a really nice laid back lounge and the party was good, except for the 33 year old who wouldn't leave me alone...but anyway...Jay Z didn't come :-( but Fabolous, Dame Dash, and Fonzworth Bentley was there. They tell me Eva was there, but I ain't see her...Apparently the party was to raise money for MS and that's why it was all white, so we learned a lil and partied alot!!!lol anyway, we left there around 2:30 and headed to this reggae spot not too far from the China Club called Esquire and since most of us were Jamaican or Trini, we ripped the place from the minute we walked in to the minute we limped out...lol...great nite-got back to Jailayh's around 5:30.
Monday-So Ma threw a royal fit because I wasn't around all weekend, but then she got over it and we got a chance to talk and get some things out there {why is it that your mom loves the one man that has actually broken your heart??? You love him too, but you know what you've been through so you try to forget him and here she comes askin about him :-(} I went to see my god-father in the hospital who was havin an endoscopy to find out where his internal bleeding was coming from and of course he had nothing but jokes...Anyway, I chilled with my brothers for most of the day and my dad toward the end, I didn't really wanna go but my ex and some of my old friends gave me the guilt trip and made me go see the fire works over the Hudson. It was actually fun chillin with them again, I miss Brooklyn...I was supposed to come back to Philly today but of course that ain't happen. {Then my grandmother gets mad at me because 3 females should not be out with 10 guys late at nite, but most of friends are guys, so I ignored her lol}
Tuesday- Got up with a serious headache and went to see my god-father who had a slight laceration of the stomach lining and had the surgery today, it was a lil nerve-rackin...Had to get this hair under control so I went to see Hazel, my crazy Jamaican hairdresser and allowed her to bless these roots, by the time I got out I heard my god-father was out of surgery and doing fine and my father would be with him. So all was well and now I'm back in Philly tryin to get back into the swing of work again b4 I fall behind...
Hope yall enjoyed my weekend with me here and yourselves wherever you were...Be Blessed!
Dr. C.H., MD.{prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Tuesday, July 05, 2005 |
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| About Me |
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Name: DSweet1
Home: Philly by way of BROOKLYN, NYC/PA, United States
About Me: A newlywed/new mom starting a brand new chapter in life and determined to make life the most it can be from here on out!
See my complete profile
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