<Sweet Source>

Words in Ripples...

...a destiny of streams, a reality of rivers, a hope for oceans, but a vision of seas...

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Naked

Its a hard period for me and I just got the drive to let a lil out...i had to release this somewhere.
I always get the feeling like once it seems like things are finally turning in my favor, something crazy comes along to shock the whole scene and make every step just that much harder, that much unbearable...think I'm exaggerating???
Saturday afternoon alone for instance
a)got the results from my last doctor's visit and the report came back that my cells are not at the level they are supposed to be :-(
b)i stumble upon some information that tells me that my roommate is filling out applications for one bedroom apartments without even discussing it with me, without even giving me the warning signs that she wasn't happy. I mean everytime we see eachother we're talking and laughing and she's still coming to me with her news and stories about her relationship, giving me the impression that we were cool. I knew there was a lil issue because we're not as close as we once were, and i don't really know why but for her to actively and secretly fill out applications to move hurts and pisses me off all in the same. One because you're showing me once again that you're a grimey person and that everything everyone else said about you was absolutely TRUE! Two, that you're a user, you wanna stick around so that I can pay half of the bills until you're grounded enough to move on your own. Three, that you're not as mature as I thought. Whenever they told me you were a nut, that I shouldn't trust you, that they couldn't understand how I could be friends with someone like you I told them all to go to hell, I lost friends because of you, felt isolated because of you because I "knew" that no matter what you'd have my back and you do this to ME!!!??? {i know i'm raving, but it just pricks me that now i have to move once again} :-( :-(
c)I get a call from the on-call supervisor from my job who informs me that I was put on the schedule to work from 1-9:30 and her it is now 4:00PM!!! It struck me as odd because I called up to the job the night before and asked when the next time I was scheduled to work was and they told me Sept. 9th-dayshift. So how the hell did I end up on the schedule??? WAIT...let's back track
c1)our car's radiator BLEW UP!!! YES I mean wide open, car over heated, and would NOT move!!! In the middle of City Line Ave!!! So now I'm waiting on the mister's dad to get the parts to fix it, but it might just be time for a new car.
c)So now i had to get my stuff together and prepare myself for stat lab..2 hours late! How does make me look as a worker, and if I need to pick up any hours are the other supervisors gonna look at me as a person who shows up late and needs to be reminded that they need to bring their behind to work??? :-( :-( :-(
d) Bills are kicking my behind, I thought I had everything under control but I find now that I need to build my budget all over again and start from scratch. I need to work on my credit because it already looks like trash...by 25 I should have my home looking to buy another and at this rate I might file banckruptcy after all my school loans are taken out and start again...but can I afford those 7 YEARS?!?!? :-( :-( :-(:-(
e)I cried to God last night for help, strength, and not revenge but mercy. I've learned not to ask for "Justice" per say because if justice were taken against ME I don't know if I'd be able to handle it, so I just asked for a lil more mercy and for the first time when I've had that kind of experience, I didn't get an answer. :-(:-(:-(:-(:-( My dreams are getting crazier and crazier in their meanings and I have had some since then but I wish He would be a lil clearer for me.

Ok, I can't put anymore out...I'm tearing up as I type...you know some of these issues, please just pray that I can make it out not totally broken
CH

posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, September 02, 2007

1 Comments:

At 11:34 AM, Tranquility826 said…

ok so when i said update ur blog..i aint' mean for it to be like that..lol..but you'll def make it thru all of this..i'll be sure to send up a prayer..