| Tuesday, May 31, 2005 |
| Explanation of "Whisper" |
Ok I see Whisper of the Word stumped a few people {J I see you got me..lol..as usual} so let me clarify where my head was...
This poem actually came at a time of a break-up and I couldn't explain why it had to happen so I compared it to Creation {Genesis 1}. A lot of people got it that light means good-serenity, peace, and all things happy and that dark means bad-evil, hell, and everything horrible and scary but when God created the world He had to separate the light from the dark so that He could get His creation under control {neither light nor dark meant ANYTHING, bad or good, but at that time could not coexist} so this is where I took my definition...ok back to the poem:
I was day and he was night and the beginning was the time that we co-existed and our break up was the separation of day and night. Now the definition of both day and night represents the process God is putting both of us through now that we're apart. The ending was kinda an imaginative image of when/if we get back together and then we'll realize why we went thorough all of this, what we were supposed to learn from the other relationships we got involved in, and what we're supposed to do differently. Then I guess we'll understand what the tears were for, what the fights were for, and why we brought other people into all our crap...
I guess in a way it was a way to escape the tears for a night but I read it over the other night and thought I should share...but sorry D for goin off into my "poetic realm" and leaving yall non-poets behind LOL LOL LOL...hope this helps you get it now.
Dr. CH, MD |
posted by DSweet1 @ Tuesday, May 31, 2005  |
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| Sunday, May 29, 2005 |
| An Island to Herself |
There's a saying that says "No man is an island to himself" but right now I feel like I'm an island detached from the main land all by myself. I've never been a "in the spotlight" type of person, I play my position in the background and whoever I befriend along the way is welcomed. A friend of mine told me to get out there and meet people, she said I don't make myself available and this is because of a few reasons, now the ones I choose to tell yall are #1-where I'm from don't call for a loud mouth {bad boys move in silence} #2-I'm a Biochem major-that doesn't permit me to be very socially active, #3-I'M JUST NOT AN OUT THERE TYPE OF PERSON, I will not walk up in a crowd and start talkin to everybody{that's my twin Rhonda's job, and even she stopped that}
I wish for friendship that is real and with people that share common ground but I've trusted some people and they turned right around and handed me their behinds and I'm not with that!!!
I tried talkin to my Daddy about it and he of course told me-You don't need no more friends!!! LOL but then he got serious with me and said that this could possibly be my groomin period and I need to be detached for what the Lord is trying to get me to understand and he pointed out some of my weaknesses that I hadn't even acknowledged {but I ain't tellin yall} and those are somethings I gotta get together...
This Virtuosity thing is HARD!!! especially when you have no-one to go along with you...
Dr. CH, MD {prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, May 29, 2005 |
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| At A Lost |
I haven't written in a while and its because I really have nothing to say...I really can't bring myself to transcribe these thoughts and emotions to words. I hate this season in my life right now and I know that all things come together for the good...But I'm at a point where I feel so far from God. I know He's ever present and omniscient so there's no sense in hiding from {and I don't} but there are times when I'm out at other churches bringing His word and I feel like He's right there with me, but then I get in my secret place, my closet and I hear absolutely NOTHING!!!
I really don't believe in some of these extra deep Christians that say "The Lord told me..." {most of the time I'm like "Yea whateva"} but I do believe that when we pray and turn to the Word then He reveals somethings to us and lately I'll pray over the same 3 things and for the past 2 weeks I keep opening up to Jeremiah 3:1-10 and Hosea 1-3 and it confused me at first but then I looked in depth and it tore me apart...Am I a fake??? Does my outside reflect my inside??? There are somethings that only I and the Lord know about and in one case someone else knows and I think at times I'm gettin my behind whipped for it...
I'm workin on an inner Candace and right now I'm not sure how to really step out with it and that's something totally new to me. I always know what the next step is for me-but this is something new He's teaching me I just pray that He steadies my feet and girdles my loins for this process because He's also removed certain people from life that I used to lean on as crutches and now I can't really turn to them like I used to so I'm totally lost...GOD I HATE THIS FEELIN!!!
Dr. CH, MD |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, May 29, 2005 |
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| Thursday, May 19, 2005 |
| Whisper of the Word |
In the beginning God created the world He set the moon and the sun with just the whisper of the Word. But God's world was in chaos-a prospect without structure He seperated light from dark and in their seperation began a new world order. Neither light nor dark were evil, but together they did not work Until God gave them definition, through their seperation, with the whisper of the Word. The light became Day and in His glory, she shined living out her purpose, giving others the light. Dark became Night, in which all things rested and grew, In His glory he found an inner peace, in the still of midnite's solitude. When the two came together they formed the Lord's first day Neither on their own could create such beauty, but together, with definition, put God's glory on display. In their seperation they found themselves and together found the world they were made to rule Being apart hurt to their core but in the end blessed them greatly and now they understood. Although during their time apart they cried, today those tears are rain drops that help all things flourish and is beauty in the sunshine. And God looked around and said "That looks good!"
Dr. CH, MD |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Thursday, May 19, 2005 |
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| IT'S BEEN A WHILE |
Dang I ain't write in so long and have pissed off a few people because of it...LOL
Too many things have weighed me down for such a long time...school, work, scholarships, my family, my future, my walk, my conscience, other people's thoughts, my heart, my pride, my health...and the scary part is I could go on.
There is alot on my plate right now and for the first time I can't work it out myself...I went to this service a year ago and the pastor is a seer and he said this will be the time in my life where I'm gonna have to rely on the Lord like neva before and I thought that was concerning my heart at that time but now I'm seeing it's this entire season...Lord I ain't neva leaned on You like this before but God I'm on such a gangsta lean right now lol.
I'm not a saint by SO FAR but I've done well but I've also slipped up bad and let the world and my fleshly wants control me and set the pace.
School is so much right now and I'm just pressin everyday and trustin that He'll see me through.Work is the same-I like my job right now but I know this not where I'll be forever but I praise God for a job any how.
Family {::SIGH::}yea that's all I'm gonna say {a strong person NEVA reveals the darkness of the home}But my best friend graduates on Saturday and I'm so proud of her, can't wait to get up with her again...
My future is in the hands of the one who holds my past and however He leads this thing is ok with me...
My walk is a lil confused right now-there are times when I feel like I'm right in front of God and I'm doing what He wants me to and He's pleased. Then it feels like I'm so far out of His presence and there is such a big distance between us. I just ask that as He keeps me He gives me strength to keep Him and His ways.
My conscience and other people's thoughts I guess can go hand in hand right now...in an earlier entry I said that there are some people that I have grown a love for and it hasn't changed but I find myself facinated with the way they think as well as other people-I've always been that way though and lately people have been tellin me that I'm cold and detached-although I neva really cared what anyone thought this actually got to me but I don't know how to change that so this is another thing for Him to work on.
My heart and my pride go hand in hand-the very first time I opened my heart and gave my pride the back seat I got hurt for the very first time and I'm still workin on that; tryin to forget the dreams, the convos, our similarities, our differences, the distance-the lies-the games on both our parts...I can't stress it anymore
Health-wise I'm ok for now, had a lil scare the other morning but I'm holdin on...
Guess the length of this blog can make up for time I was missin so you nosey people can get into my world for a lil while lol love yall anyway...back to these case studies though. ONE!!!
Dr. CH, MD {prayerfully}
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| posted by DSweet1 @ Thursday, May 19, 2005 |
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| Sunday, May 08, 2005 |
| Pen Cry |
The sun shone bright like it's supposed to and the Lord blew out His gentle breeze I smiled at friends like I'm used to, but I walk with a weight pressed down on me. I see you in my mind Hear you in my dreams Smell you in my thoughts and feel you in my sleep. You would never know my pain and neither will anyone else I feel like Leah & Jacob but I haven't yet figured out my test. I told myself it was over & that I was ok I blanked you out of my head but you can't erase a day. I told my heart to get over it, really I tried but last night-for the very first time, I finally let my soul cry... and it felt good to let that go, it took a while but I felt my heart grow. Grow back its stem from the root that never died see the shell was bruised after losing you, but my heart still beat on the inside but since I can no longer bring them from my eyes I'm gonna make the pen cry...
Dr. CH, MD |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, May 08, 2005 |
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| Friday, May 06, 2005 |
| Can I Make It? |
So I went to talk to my advisor last week and we were talkin about Med School options. She's very supportive of my becoming a doctor and she is so real with me sometimes it hurts-but it helps. Since I've been here she's been pulling major strings for me {I love having the Dean of Arts & Sciences in my corner lol} but talking to her and lettin her know what I wanna get into she put it plainly on the table..."Med School is hard to get into and your GPA right now is NOT competitive" I sat there with my heart on the floor and she must've seen it so she comes again a lil softer "What you will do is get a 3.5 on the next two terms and keep it there and in the next 2 years you'll be fine" That made me feel a lil better but then I thought about it, It ain't easy gettin a 3.5 at Drexel but I gotta do it if the Gloria Holloway Internal Medicine wing is gonna happen...
I have this outter shell that gives everyone the impression that I got it all together and don't get me wrong I ain't really stressin too much but I do sometimes get the thoughts of "Can I make it?" "Will I be as great as others b4 me?" "What if I don't make it??? What da hell will I do with my life?"
But instead of sittin here blogging in the library let me get back to Gross Anatomy and Micro {everything that is fryin my brain right now}
Dr. CH, MD {I hope} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Friday, May 06, 2005 |
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| Tuesday, May 03, 2005 |
| Janet Michelle |
Sometime ago she wrote a blog dedicated to me and today this is dedicated to the one and only Janet Michelle...
We've known eachother for 11YEARS and neva had a fight!!! She is the perfect example of a diamond in the rough-she was born and raised in Do or Die Killa Bed-Stuy Brooklyn {anyone of yall who eva been out there know what I'm talkin about} and for a lil while she became a part of her environment while still remaining an honor roll student in Catholic school LMAO!!! She graduated from Boys and Girls High which the city thought was one of the worst schools in Bk and went on to MIT from which she graduates Cum Laude in two weeks...I'm so proud of you! She'll be a bangin engineer in the future, I just know it.
But behind the rough exterior and the books and the labs she is the greatest best friend I could've eva prayed for...She reminds you that you are a lady and neva lets anyone come outta they face to me {fighting chicks before I even knew they said anything about me lol} A leader in everything she does and because she's a Virgo she's a perfectionist in everything, sometimes it drives me crazy but then I realize in the end, it's necessary. When I was going through the worst time in my life in high school she came running, swinging, and poppin off without anybody asking-it's just a crazy level of loyalty between us that I don't think I'll ever find anywhere else. When I knew I was about to face hell and she knew if she got involved she would catch hell too-she JUMPED RIGHT INTO HELL WITH ME {I can't stop the tears right now}...
When I wanna give up or stress other things that ain't that important she is my "Get Right" angel on my shoulder. When times get hard and I don't think I can do what I've set out to do, she is the voice of rememberance. If I think I don't have a foundation to lean on, like I'm all alone in this fight-she is always in my corner to support me and build me up and buck shots when I think this war is bigger than me. The thousand nights we spent on the phone trying to make sense of this life will always be my anchor-you will always be my anchor-I love you-I'm proud of you-NO HOMO!!!lol You are the sister God forgot to give me...
This has been dedicated to the one and only J. Michelle
Dr. CH. MD |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Tuesday, May 03, 2005 |
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| Sunday, May 01, 2005 |
| Completely Perfect |
I had to put this out there...hearing some of the thoughts that run through the minds of some of these beautiful black women inspired me to write and I felt that it should be shared...if you feel me say so and if it hits home-TRUST ME I'M RIGHT THIS TIME!!!lol
I've heard you comparing yourselves to everybody else...why can't I have her hair, eyes, and behind???Why don't I have a figure like hers? If I was as strong as her, he would love me...If I just acted like her I could do great things.If I had his/her strength I would be complete..I wish I had her boldness, I wish I had her smile, I wish I had what he sees in her, I wish I could accomplish what she did. What did she do that I couldn't do to get that??? Why did God bless her with all of that and not me?
Measuring yourselves against others who you perceive as prettier, richer, smarter, braver-more together than you are-traps you in a totally self-defeating cycle, a game you CAN'T win!!! Can you compare a song with a fish or a piece of art with a mango??? Then why try to compare yourself to anyone else? They are incomparable, and so are you.
No one is more beautiful than you at this very moment.You don't have to do anything or try to be like anyone else. Just be who you are. When we are truly able to accept ourselves, it lets us, and all the people close to us whom we've made miserable because we've judged ourselves so harshly, off the hook. We feel free, whole, and confident just being. Every morning the Lord sees fit to allow you to wake up in your right mind is a testimony of how special you are because some one else didn't. When you look in the mirror and don't see Halle Berry, it's ok He created her and her issues and He formed you with yours. So remind yourself and encourage some else that you are simply and completely PERFECT.
Dr. CH, MD |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, May 01, 2005 |
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| Look At MY God!!! |
This weekend has to be one of the BEST weekends I've had since I've been in Philly. First, Thursday nite me and the ladies supported A+ productions at the M Lounge {thank God its just down the street from us cuz it was cold} but we had fun all that nite and then it was time to head back to Brooklyn.
Now many of you don't know, but for the past 2 years I've been battling cerosis {scaring of the liver} and a lil while ago the doctors found that there was a scar growing too rapidly on my liver and my blood was clotting too much that was causing some really bad and painful spells...so they put me on Cumidin {a blood thinner} but that wasn't really helping!!! My family and I were really going through it, I couldn't even tell my closest friends out here because I didn't want them to worry and really I didn't want to think about it...So in the midst of all this craziness my mother's blood pressure shoots sky high and they were worried about HER heart!!! Then to top it all off the x-rays and CAT scans come back and they find a growth on my liver JESUS WHY ME!!! However this weekend they find that it's NOT Cancer!!! and we can breathe a lil easier thank God! Surgery may be needed in the future but for now I am on antibiotics that will help fight the infection and go back to a lil normality.
Being home just brings out a smile on my face because I get back into that Bk swagger and I get around them crazy Jamaicans I call family. LOL Everything they do and say makes me laugh especially my father and my uncle Junior {the dred in him is RETARDED} but I got some great jerk chicken, rice and peas, and rum punch and I was too happy. Me and Mommy got to hang out as old times and that's my homie right there, nuthin but laughs when we get together...lol...
Then I get back to Philly and we hit up the Greek Step Show at Penn it was pretty decent and I got to see some "old friends" and realize that earlier in the week I was wrong in some of the conclusions I made :-( {but I was right about some others} and that kinda gave the weekend a good lil ending...
THANK GOD FOR MIRACLES...LET THE PROMISE BE FULFILLED!!!
Dr. CH, MD |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, May 01, 2005 |
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| About Me |
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Name: DSweet1
Home: Philly by way of BROOKLYN, NYC/PA, United States
About Me: A newlywed/new mom starting a brand new chapter in life and determined to make life the most it can be from here on out!
See my complete profile
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