| Monday, June 27, 2005 |
| Obedience |
Anyone that knows anything about me knows that I am a child of God and that although I make so seriously dumb mistakes I'm just trying to get favor. In growing in this Christian walk I'm learning so much about the Lord, myself, those I encounter, and this walk of mine. I feel like I'm being pulled in one direction that I don't really wanna get into. All my life I've wanted to be a doctor, since my early teens I knew I wanted to do surgery, when my grandparents passed I knew I wanted to do gastrointestinal Oncology and that's what I'm fightin for but when I was 13 I "preached" my first sermon and ever since then there's been a burning for it. Since I've been out here at Drexel I've been asked to speak at a few churches and most of the time I say "No thank you" because I got work to do but how do I know that ain't the work I should be doin??? When I pray and turn to the Word I get convicted something serious!!!God definitely comes at my throat all reckless...lol... But then when I review my life I can't see myself being NOBODY's pastor {1st I've messed up too much, 2nd I just don't think I can do it like the greats}
I adore my Bishop and she really is the woman I try to emulate in life because everything she does is greatness and blessed {and she's soooo pretty}  and lately so many people are comparing me to her, some joking and some seriously, and everytime I turn away from it {#1I don't really want it, #2 I AIN'T NO WHERE CLOSE TO BISHOP!!!}
I've been told several times that we can choose a life and tell God to bless it and He cause us to fall flat on our faces in embarrassment because we were disobedient. I just keep praying that He makes my way clear, that He allows me to do whatever it is He wants...Sometimes I ask these things and then tell Him "Nah God you probably made a lil mistake with that decision" and give Him my own and He's knocked me on my behind something terrible before, so why is it so hard to be obedient???
Lord tell me to go and I'll move, just give me the strength, the wisdom, and the grace to endure when I do...
Dr. CH, MD. {prayerfully} |
posted by DSweet1 @ Monday, June 27, 2005  |
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| Thursday, June 23, 2005 |
| Karma |
This will be a short one but I had to get out and no rhyme was comin, maybe lata...
Why do niggas think they could treat people any ol' way and not expect the same treatment back? and if she from Bk why you think she won't do it back to you worst"??? NIGGA WHAT WAS YOU THINKING???!?!?!? LOL
Anyway I messed up with God last weekend and I'm actually very terrified about what He's gonna make me sacrifice for that mistake...I'm just prayin for grace and mercy...In that case I'm sorry {that I messed up with God} but in other cases I ain't and I know it ain't right but I can't help it...Although feelins was tied to it, it was what it was and it is what it is {I know alot of yall don't know what da hell I'm talkin about but the ones that should, know what I'm talkin about}
I'm not even on no payback type'a vibe but I'm really on some it's about Candace right now, I might love you but I love me more and I can't let you get at me like that no more {maybe one day, but right now it ain't happenin}
Don't u love when someone wanna play harder than what they are???Especially if they feedin the garbage to someone that KNOWS them!!! I love when they tell me something is more serious than what it is and when I press it, it's as soft as Lil Debbie but anyway back to the first person I was talkin about...Don't act hard and when I come around it's a different story, and treat me like I'm some next and when I get around everyone else disappears-NIGGA I KNOW YOU!!! I AM YOU!!! STOP FRONTIN!!!!!!
Sorry yall had to hear all this but it had to get out some how, I'll post something better later my head needed room and the release was good for me too...thanks
Dr. CH, MD {prayerfully}
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| posted by DSweet1 @ Thursday, June 23, 2005 |
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| Monday, June 20, 2005 |
| New Term, New Approach |
It's me again...well summer term is gettin ready to start over here at Drexel and I wish I could say that I enjoyed a relaxin week off from everything and I'm rested and ready for the next round-but I didn't yet I am {hope that made sense to you}. I worked ALLLLLL week, well except for Monday, I got to go home on Sunday and see my brother and family and some "old" friends so that was nice but I also had to see my Dr. and find out what was up with this liver of mine.
Firstly, my sister-in-law is pregnant once again and she's due in Nov. {Gaison don't waste NO TIME!!!lol} this time she's havin a boy :-)
Secondly, my PT levels are still a lil too high so I'm stuck on these drugs and they say I'm ok for now but the scaring of the liver tissues seem to still be intense and growin so I will have to have surgery sometime in the future but God's got that one. Honestly, I ain't even worried no more...just continue to pray for me.
Now that my schedule has changed in school, my schedule has changed at work back to day shift and Lord I don't know how I'm gonna do it!!!Those women I work with a crazy but they'll get their own post soon.
If any of you are driving, please be careful on the roads, ESPECIALLY in Philly-THESE NIGGAS AIN'T GOT NO SENSE!!! Three people that I know in the matter of a week were in bad car accidents two got to go home with broken ribs, broken noses, and fractered knees and bruises but one is still in intensive care in Mercy Hospital...so please take it easy and watch out for those fools....
I'm ready for summer term and I've made a covenant that I will get better at takin care of my finances and studyin schedule, cuz I was really slackin and what I'm really pissed about is HOW SOMEONE GONNA BE ON THE DEAN'S LIST AND BE ON HOLD AND THEY TELL ME THERE'S NOTHIN THEY CAN DO RIGHT NOW!!!! Jesus work it out! But this term I vow to get nothin less than 3.75 so keep me in your prayers if you care about me, if you don't-why da hell you readin my blog?!?!?!? lol anyway gotta run
Dr. C.H., MD {prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Monday, June 20, 2005 |
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| Thursday, June 09, 2005 |
| Not Tryin to Preach...but... |
Look some gonna take this the wrong way so lemme say this b4 I start:I AIN'T NO PREACHER!! I was talkin to my cousin today and she's one of those emotional type of females and when we were growin up we didn't get along because I couldn't understand why she was so girly and she thought that since I played football I was beneath her, but we grew up and now we're close. But there are some females at her school that just don't like her and at first I thought I was gonna have to fly out to Pittsburgh and lose my salvation lol but then I realized it was just someone hatin on her and talkin about her because she wouldn't do what they do. Lemme tell you they put her through hell, she cried, wouldn't go to the classes they shared, wouldn't join organizations they belonged to no matter how much she wanted to be involved because to her it was that bad and I had to snap on her...There was a job she wanted and she wouldn't go to the interview because one of the witches works there, mind you-SHE AIN'T GOT NO JOB!!! How you gonna be picky and you BROKE!!?? you ain't gettin no loan from me!!! {lol}
WHO CARES THAT THEY DON'T LIKE YOU!!??!! Lemme tell yall something there are some things we avoid because some body talks about us, you scared what somebody gonna say bout you but in the next breath you so holy you talkin bout "walkin with the king" while at the same time bowin ya head like you ain't got no protection. PICK YA HEAD UP, WALK STRONG AND KNOW THAT YOU SERVE A GOD SO POWERFUL THAT HE BATS HIS EYE AND THUNDER ROLLS, CLAPS HIS HANDS AND LIGHTENING FLASHES!!! But the thing you need to understand is it's not what people do or say to you that kills you but what you do and think for yourself. The things they do to hurt you is so insignificant that you could even stop prayin about it...just walk sweetie.
Think about Mechach, Shadrach, and Abenego. 3 Hebrew boys workin under the king, one day King Nebuchadnezzar was feelin himself so much that he built a gold statue and ordered everyone to bow down to worship it. Knowin the God they served the 3 would not bow down and some hatin Jews told on 'em. The king gave them one more chance to bow out or be put in the furnace and with strength they said we don't have to explain our God but we not bowin to no statue. Nebuchadnezzar ordered the furnace to be turned up 7 times hotter {pay attention to the numbers-you'll get it in the end} and he ordered them to be tied up and tossed up by some of his strongest men because they disrespected his "god".
When the men threw them in the flames were so hot it killed THEM, not Mechach, Shadrach, or Abenego.How you gonna defend your "god' and with no fight from your enemy you get killed??? The king felt smug until he looked inside the furnace, and saw 4 figures walkin around in there!!!He might've looked at the bodies of his strongest men and lost his mind. So anyway, he called them out and they not only came out like nothing was wrong but they didn't even smell like smoke!!!
In my posts I keep sayin not to worry about what people wanna say about you but I'm so sincere about this. If it's not someone that you cared about before they started bashin you why you gonna care after??? That fire was turned up 7 times hotter than usual for their bold defiance-7 is God's perfect number:your hell situation may be set up perfect just for you and your bold unique self. 3 is His holy number:Father, Son, Holy Ghost whom we walk with everyday but in the furnace there was a 4th figure, 4 is the number of completion: since Jesus said I'll never leave you nor forsake you, you can easily walk through your hell with praise on your lips and when they see you smiling they'll get confused, when they see you prospering they'll lose their mind and when it's all over you will come out not even smellin like the hell you were just in!!! Stand strong, keep fighting, keep pressing, keep prayin...faith it's an amazing thing.
Dr. CH, MD {prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Thursday, June 09, 2005 |
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| Wednesday, June 08, 2005 |
| Blame the Head not the Heart |
I've been gettin really good responses to my posts-no one has cussed me out yet!!! But I realize that there are some things about me that affect other people...the main thing I've been gettin is that I am my own worst enemy and I make other people feel funny {well in some cases I'm not sure if they were referring to me, but sometimes I wish they would say it} when they get around me. This would not bother me if this came from certain people because that's how I intend to come off {yea its wrong but I neva said I was perfect lol}
I don't wanna stand as someone that others feel like they can't talk to, and it bothers me because I don't know what it is about me that makes me unapproachable or whatever it is...
Then the topic that I am my own worst enemy...I don't even know where that comes from but I know I am my hardest critic right behind my mother-guess there are some things others can see in me that I can't and that's why I surround myself with brutally honest friends.
So if there is anything you wanna tell me about me that you see feel free, and please don't be afraid to be honest...
Dr. CH, MD {prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Wednesday, June 08, 2005 |
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| Not focused |
Ok it's almost 9 am, and I haven't touched me bed since 9 am yesturday. I took my first final exam in Abnormal Psychology yesturday and she let me know AFTER I studied my behind off and took the test that I didn't have to take it because I was already gettin an A in the class-happy about the A mad about her timing. I wish that A could be transfered to my MicroBio class whose final is today at 1pm. I began studyin for that yesturday around 4 and I have not been motivated AT ALL!!! The fact that I need a B on this to get a C in the damn class isn't motivating me shows that I'm just not focused...my mind is not where it's supposed to be right now...and when the grades come back I'm gonna wonder WHAT DA HELL WAS I DOIN?!?!?!
AND I have 2 papers due for my psychology class by 12, I've started one so that means I'll be here wrting them, hope they make sense.
To answer so of your questions-Still haven't spoken to that person yet, probably won't if they don't say anything first, I dunno that's how I am...sorry. Also, there is NO type of preacher in me, God wouldn't do that to me TRUST! lol so J stop speakin that over me!!!
Anyway lemme try to find some creative bones in this already boney body and bang these papers out.
Dr. CH, MD {lets just keep prayin} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Wednesday, June 08, 2005 |
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| Sunday, June 05, 2005 |
| I Might Fall |
So yesterday the girls and I supported our roomie at DMAP's award banquet and it was a pretty good ceremony and well attended so in that I was happy...
They asked the Chair of Minority Affairs here at Drexel to speak and he recited one of his poems and one part that stood out to me was, "You're too strong. There is a system designed to hold you back and over the years you've shown them that they were wrong. You're too strong" That encouraged me about this term ending and the one yet to start. I've had so many fights in my career paths and future goals and I've fallen so many times but God was able to help me back up every time...
This morning my roomie and I visited another Baptist Church and the pastor spoke on "Serving the Lord will Cost you Something". He let us know that we must first acknowledge who we are in Christ but then be able to deny ourselves {humble yourself}, take up a cross, and then follow Christ. This cross is not gonna be light and the path we follow won't be paved straight so we may fall a few times, friends may leave us on the ground, people may walk past us on the ground and we may see people without crosses freely walking, but in knowing the God we serve, we won't worry about them but pick ourselves and our crosses up and keep on pressing.
So I might fall, friends may leave me, people may walk past me, and those without crosses may laugh in my face but I know that even if I fall, my back will never hit the ground and I won't be there long. Whoever reads this understand that you may be fighting and praying and asking God why you gotta fight so much, why you gotta cry so much, why you can't sleep at night and you're not as happy/prosperous as everyone around you...but keep fighting, keep crying, keep praying, keep walking and in due time everything will make sense and that cross will no longer be that heavy on ya shoulder and if you fall your back will NEVA HIT THE GROUND...
Dr. CH, MD {prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, June 05, 2005 |
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| One Day I'll get it Out |
I had to just add this in because it was bothering me...there are some people in my life {close and distant} that rest on my conscience.
There are some people that I wish I could just get in their heads and show them the clearer picture to the one they see blurry or just to understand why they do the things they do...
Then there are some people that I wish could get into MY head so they know what I'm thinkin about them and the things they do so I won't sin my soul and go to hell by actually verbalizing them...
There are some people that I'm not necessarily close to but have a pull on my heart for. At times I wonder what it would be like if I came to Drexel and got close to certain people but I guess it was for a reason but there is this one person that I think about in particular...but maybe one day...
Then some upset me because for some reason they come at me as if they are strong people and then I get close to them and realize they are as soft as a cup cake!!! Not strength in the body building type but strength in who they are, what they wanna do, and where they're tryin to go , even if you stumble and cry a lil that's ok but to have NO direction?!?!?! I can't comprehend that...
You eva felt so overwhelmed with thoughts that nothing, not even written, fully explains what you're thinkin...yea you can see from this one that I'm in one of those moods. One day I'll get it out... |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, June 05, 2005 |
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| Friday, June 03, 2005 |
| From me to you... |
You ever met anyone or just observed a person and just had so much to say to them but could never get it out or even bring yourself to telling them?? Even though these people might never even read this I just thought it necessary to get these thoughts at least outta my head {that's blog ;-)}So here goes nothing...
Dear...,
We've known eachother for as far back as I can remember, we've gotten in trouble together, gotten outta trouble together, cried, scream, fought together. You will always be the sister God forgot to give me but blessed me to meet at such a young age. Your stength and confidence is something I admire. You are so beautiful with such a warm heart even though you try to hide it. Love ya always~Lady Gotti
Dear...,
You were my first love and the first man to bring tears from my eyes but you were also the one who helped form the woman I am today. Even though you hurt me I respect and love you eternally because of who you are in my life today. I'll probably never understand what you've been through and what you were thinkin when you walked away from me but I love the fact that I can see myself in someone else and I thank you for sticking in there with me. Love you eternally~Mouse
Dear...,
My partner in crime, my twin...what can I say about you???Never did I imagine that I would meet someone JUST like me in certain things and click with a female that quick. We've been through so much together over the past 3 years, some when we weren't even in eachother's presence or even in the same state. You know what's goin on in my head b4 I say a word and that's cuz it's goin on in yours..lol. Thank you for all the late nights and early mornings. Know that you are a strong woman, edified in God's grace, and everything will be explained to us someday-your heart will be softened and you backbone strengthened and I'll be there to celebrate you and your accomplishments. Even though I've never said it-I love you. ~The Nice One
Dear...,
You make me laugh on sight!!! You're so crazy! All the outbursts, the burps, the crazy thoughts that go through your head brings joy to everyone. I hope that you can realize just how special you are to everyone that knows you {even if they don't want to admit it}. Thank you for being there when no one else was and understanding some of the craziness that goes on in my head. Everything that happened in your past explains the blessed life you live now and I hope that someday you'll take that blessing to a much higher level. Love you~Roomie
Dear...,
WOW what can I say about our relationship?? God worked this one out for our greater good. Your strength lies in the fact that you are able to bounce back, even though you lock yourself away from people sometimes I know that that only covers you but when you're out-YOU'RE OUT!!!lol Anyway understand that I will always be there if you need me and if you need me, don't care who's around they can get the BOOT!!!lol Anyway keep ya head up and Him in front of you.Love ya ~NEW YORK!!!
Dear...,
Sometimes I don't think I deserve ya loyalty and love. I really don't understand why you love me like you do but I appreciate everything you do or think to do for me...I know I can always rely on your love when things look bleek. Thank you for loving me and letting me love you in my own way. ~Lia
Dear...,
I've never known a love like the one I find when you come to mind. We've both taken eachother down some funny paths through our relationship and still there is a reason why neither one of us can fully let go of eachother. You make me smile and think, you inspire me and get on my LAST NERVE!!! You are the first man outside of my family that I can truely and boldly say that I truely LOVE and ADORE. Thanks for the words, thanks for the love, one day we'll understand what this was all about. I unconditionally love you poppa.~Bk Brawler
Dear...,
I really don't know what to say to you...We were never in a position to be friends but then circumstances made us face eachother and at the same time formed a greater wedge. I admire your grace and your warm spirit that attracts so many to you. I've always wanted to speak but just neva had anything to say to you. Just knowing you and observing you allows me to know another strong, black, woman of God-you are blessed with a calling that I don't think you even know how powerful it will be but in whatever you do I wish nothing but blessings for you and even without you knowing it I actually have a love for you {can't really understand why yet..but who knows}.~ProverbsVirtue
Dear...,
Honestly I could never see myself as your friend, I couldn't stand you!!! {yall were so loud..LMYBO} Anyway the Lord worked it out that we become close. We've shared some similar pasts and a similar future and I wish nothing but greatness for you. I felt a lil hurt by some of the moves you made but I chalk them all as another lesson he blessed me to learn-thanks for letting Him use you. One day when our kids are small we'll sit and tell them all the crazy stories that happened @Drexel from Myers to North/Crossings to Stiles and who knows where else.Love you sis, my covenant partner.~C
Dear...,
You had to be the 10th one...No one has loved me like you loved me and there will never be a replacement. You hit some hard walls, got beat with some of the hardest whips, stomped on by the heaviest boots-and still managed to raise two bad ass kids on ya own and stroll with elegance. You are my anchor, my base, the canvas from which I create everything Candace. Thank you for you support, your love, encouragement, and instilling the belief that ain't no body better than me!!! There's nothing like a prayer warrior in your corner and one day those walls that hit you-I'll tear 'em down, those whips that hit you-I'm killin the b****, them boots that stomped on you-I'll shred and beg God to open their eyes:As long as I live you'll neva want for ANYTHING or cry over ANYTHING anybody says to you. I just pray to one day have your elegance and strength. Thank you. Words have not yet been formed that can describe my devotion to you...~Dacia
Even though so many of these people will never read this, maybe one day I'll tell them. Some of yall know who I'm talkin about-don't get mushy on me either.
Dr. CH. MD {because of all of you prayerfully}
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| posted by DSweet1 @ Friday, June 03, 2005 |
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| Thursday, June 02, 2005 |
| A Gloomy Day |
There is a repetitive question being asked over and over and over again in my head: "Lord do you even care??? Where are you???"
Sometimes I hate talkin to Christians, as weird as that sounds, but most of them wanna think they know everything, but when you pose a question all they can tell you is "Awww pray about it" :-( now prayer changes things, yes I know, but there are times when you just wanna hear a word and you think these people know and THEY DON'T...guess I can't really be too mad, they're human too, but damn if they don't act like they Jesus bro./sis. sometimes...
Today was an actual weird day for me emotionally {I can't even verbalize what was going on with me} and I began talkin to God outta no where like He was right in front of me {I wasn't even whispering, I was talkin out loud like he was RIGHT HERE-thank God my roomies weren't here they'da ask for a new apartment lol} and I kept hearing "Put it in my hands" but I kept asking "HOW???" and I really still ain't get an answer so I did what I do best in these situations-I began to write and this flowed out...hope yall can get this one this time D!!! lol...lol
They tell me leave it in Your hands and watch what You'll do But how do I step out of my heart? Exactly how do I give it all to you? It seems no-one can help me, I'm in this fight alone. Exactly how am I to just give it up and just not care anymore? When I cry tear after tear and feel my heart-rip, shudder, and tear How do I say "To Heaven with it!" When here on Earth I feel like I'm gonna lose it? Father, hear my heavy moans and ease these relentless groans. Show me thy light, dear Lord lead me safely home...
Dr. CH, MD |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Thursday, June 02, 2005 |
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| About Me |
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Name: DSweet1
Home: Philly by way of BROOKLYN, NYC/PA, United States
About Me: A newlywed/new mom starting a brand new chapter in life and determined to make life the most it can be from here on out!
See my complete profile
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