<Sweet Source>

Words in Ripples...

...a destiny of streams, a reality of rivers, a hope for oceans, but a vision of seas...

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

If It's Not One Thing...

I haven't been in the mood to do anything...I really need a vacation-some where sunny with no mosquitoes! Why doesn't Philly have any beaches??? Seriously, finals week is not my favorite time of year and this year has to be the worst ever. The way I play this term out determines whether or not I'll be able to start working on my Masters as planned for next year which would then dictate whether or not I lose a scholarship and right now, things don't look that great. And I know it's bad but I hate to see people happy now, playing soccer, sleeping all day, worrying about what they're gonna be doing during the break when I'm worrying about what I'm going to do in 2 years and I have NO JOB!!!
Since 5:15 this morning, the recurring thought has been "What da...???" My alarm didn't go off but I was wide awake-so I got to work early but I was so sleepy. Then I started getting these sharp spasms in my back at work so I went to my locker for some drugs and accidentally took a percocet and for some reason didn't realize I had done this until I SWALLOWED it!!! OMG, so that made me a lil more woozie...
Then my mind started going to work on me...the mind is the #1 place for Satan to attack any believer and of course this is definitely where he hits me the hardest. Why did it bother me? Why did I say anything? What da hell was I thinking? What da hell do I expect? What do they expect? Why didn't I choose the PA program since freshman year? What Med School am I gonna apply to? How am I gonna afford it, if God blesses me to get in?? What would my mother say if she really knew that her rock wasn't really that hard? What would my father think if he REALLY knew the way I think? How would my brothers see their tough lil sis if they knew every thought? Salvation is the ONLY thing in my life that I'm sure of right now, and sometimes I think God is tired of me making these STUPID mistakes and spending so much time dwelling on "feelings" instead of using that time to do some WORK!
I had a final today that I just knew I was gonna fail-but the Lord is faithful and I got a B, but then I hear I need to get a high B {with some persuasion} or an A on my Immuno final next week just to get a B in the class {I really need this grade to be good}..my psych professor gave me an extension on the test I needed to make up since the accident but then he's added more to it and expects me to take the final right after!!! I don't feel that great, but thank God I'm walking. I don't know what's gonna come of some of the recent moves I've made, but God's all knowing and I've always said since His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts higher than my thoughts and since before I was in my mother's womb He knew me and set me apart then I'm gonna have to get over this...It's crazy that I know this and just don't act on it, it's just hard because if it's not one thing it's another...

CH

posted by DSweet1 @ Wednesday, August 24, 2005

1 Comments:

At 3:48 PM, Anonymous said…

You a fool for the no mosquitoes part...lol...but you'll do fine
Keep ya head up ma