<Sweet Source>

Words in Ripples...

...a destiny of streams, a reality of rivers, a hope for oceans, but a vision of seas...

Monday, August 22, 2005

Make It Alright

I'm in cleanin mode right now, and it's really hard work...I'm tryin to get rid of the things that upset me, hurt me, bother me, and weigh heavy on me. I'm tryin to fix some of the pieces that I some how chipped, broke, hurt, or tarnished. And I'm tryin to put everything back in it's order and original and proper place...Yea I'm talkin bout cleanin up my life {I don't know what it is I'm writing alot lately}
One of the worst things you can do to someone is get involved with them when you can't totally allow them to be involved with you. I've written about a relationship I was in with a nice guy that loved me, well I allowed him to totally love me while giving him 1/3 of my attention-the same thing I was bitchin about getting from someone else!!! I can't believe myself sometimes... Anyway I thought about my mindset, how I feel, and the way things were going between us lately and I decided the best thing for both of us was for me to just walk away. I know it hurt him and I know I did the right thing because I didn't feel a thing and that was a clear sign that my heart just wasn't in it and that just wasn't fair to him or his family...
Some of my friends thought I was doing this in order to make space for another relationship I've written about as well but actually I can honestly say it wasn't. In regards to that relationship, I've decided to fall back again, hopefully I can stay back. The last time we spoke I decided that a portion of my soul may always belong to this man, I know a large part of my heart will, but right now at this time, at this point in our lives, nothing good could come out of us doing anything togetehr. I know I've made the right move because while it hurts, I also feel lighter to make other moves-relationship-wise, spiritually, and mentally...
I've verbalized my apologies to some of the people I vowed to and soon others will hear 'I'm sorry' as well and this actually feels a lot better, my conscience is getting a lot clearer as the day goes by. Some other friendships that I've neglected have begun their mending processes and things look positive on those parts...
I look foward to heading home in 2 weeks for Labor Day weekend! I've always loved this holiday because my best friend's birthday is on the 3rd and in Brooklyn we have the full out celebration of Carnival. We party in the streets two days in a row, reggae, calypso, soca, and I guess reggaeton will be there ALL WEEKEND!!! Beautiful way to end the summer and this whole cleaning process. Just tryin to make everything alright...

CH

posted by DSweet1 @ Monday, August 22, 2005

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