| Wednesday, May 31, 2006 |
| The Happy Updates... |
So I'm focused academically, ready for this long stretch, ready to making the last terms here 4.0 standards. Ok, so e-con may be breakin it for this term :-( but it's cool, the way things look now I can still end this term with a 3.7!!! PRAISE GOD!!! and if I get another term like this, I can get my scholarship BACK! and since I won't be in university housing anymore, that will help a WHOLE lot...speakin of which-
I'm moving into my apartment on Saturday, my brother is coming this weekend to move me in and settle all the mundance 'adult' stuff I don't really feel like doing. I've loved him since I've known him but lately it's growing a lil more. Any girl who has a brother, whether older or younger, should thank God for such a blessing. He has become my rock through some of my dark times lately and he's made sure that I don't second guess my own strength while helping others. I'm ready to decorate and be settled and get right into Summer term...
It's so good to have so many ministers around you, not ministers that wear collars and speak in tongues because of good meal and get visions that your friend is a demon because they think you might be romantically involved {ok, lemme get it together...lol} but ministers that whenever you find yourself stuck in something that you can't find an answer to will just say the most simplest thing and bless you to the highest extent. I thank God for everyone who has blessed me in any way...
Ok, back to this 4.0 game plan
Dr. CH, MD {prayerfully} |
posted by DSweet1 @ Wednesday, May 31, 2006  |
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| Tuesday, May 30, 2006 |
| Justification |
In early algebra, there's a rule that states 'the means must always justify the extremes'. I'll take this in 2 cases: everyday life and of course my most popular topic lately, relationships.
1st: For about a year now I've been put through a series of faith tests. In the beginning, I was failing them left, right, and center because I didn't know what they were. Then I began praying more and trusting a lil more because I had to but I realized that the tests were getting a lil harder. I believe that when it comes to myself and my qualities, I tend to be a pretty honest person. I know what I can and cannot do and tend not to extend past my limitations but just from a few words people say, a scripture I might read one day, or the sermon topic one of my fav preachers would give began to tear me up something SERIOUS. I'm doin some more self-evaluations and trying to get it all together and when I finally get the balls and backbone to tell my full story people will begin to understand why my new favorite line has become: TO GOD BE THE GLORY, GREAT THINGS HE HAS DONE!!! Right now, He's pulling some majors strings, I just pray that keeps me grounded and faithful while I allow Him to FULLY take it over.
2nd: I am a firm believer in reciprosity, where if I give an amount, your amount should equal and in some cases exceed my set amount, if you can help it. No competition, but if I love with a certain level of love and loyalty, I expect it back because this is extended to a very few and it gets pretty intense. Now if you say you love someone and they say it back but you love "differently" should you be upset if they don't feel they didn't have to do something or if given a situation you would have sent flowers and a card and they felt a phone call would suffice, do you have room to be upset? I mean who defines where the bar should be set? If you've had a situation tear you and up and mess with your mind for sometime, when is it finally time to say 'I've had enough' for the last time? At what point are you no longer a helpless romantic, when do you become the glut for punishment? If they say it plagues them too, is that an excuse to keep your hopes open or is it just a mechanism used to draw you back into a battle you thought you won and should you go back through the battle have you really lost? If the feelings are gone, why can't you be friends? Does it have to be totally equal on both parts, which side should give more, in this case which means justify the extremes to which the heart goes???
Ok, I'm done rambling... |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Tuesday, May 30, 2006 |
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| Sunday, May 28, 2006 |
| From the Gut... |
Ok, I'm gettin ready to get a lil reckless right now...anyone may answer or comment to anything I say if you choose to, but a few questions have plagued me for a while and I think I'm ready for some answers.
So first, why did you give him/her your virginity? Was it a smart choice now that you look back?
I've always imagined that in a logical life, one's first would be someone very special and close to you. Someone that you could tell anything to and trust to the upmost, nothing wavering or lingering in the air. But if you had the thought in the back of your mind that it wasn't going to be forever, long term, or even that he/she would not cheat on you, why then did you allow that sacred space to be exposed to them??
Could it be some mystical force that subdues all inhabititions for those few moments of pleasure? Is it a hold that this person seems to have over you and your very thought process? Or is it mere mortal curiosity and desire that drives the fire to these uncharted and forbidden arenas? Because if it wasn't something you knew would be a tarnishing factor to your "reputation", why then can't you speak about it openly, like say in front of your parents or the such...
Second, what keeps one going back to the past? Why do we think about past characters, years after seperation?
The Bible says, "...they came out from us to make manifest that they were not for us, for had they been for us, surely they would've continued with us." So are we in our back and forth-ness, being ridiculous; the Bible tells us to let them go and yet there is some dynamic that works against this. Is it us? or is it something out of mortal control that keeps us wondering where they are, who they're with, and whether or not they're thinking about us too?
I'll be back later...
C.H., MD {prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, May 28, 2006 |
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| Thursday, May 25, 2006 |
| I Used to Love H.I.M. |
I thought I understood it, I mean really understood it
I thought I knew the meaning of it all and was ready to just go through it.
But I’ve grown to learn, after the trance and in the midst of the space
It’s become an unfathomable substance that is neither definable nor tangible
then and now it just kinda is…
It’s a, 'you let go and I’ll let go' kinda love
Yet it’s become a 'hold on or I’ll lose my very breath' kind of love
It’s a 'beyond my mind, above my heart, without logic or reason, in and out of every season, unconcerned with any outside opinion' kinda love
Because it’s become a soul thing…
A scary and unprecedented feeling blanketed in a been-here-before sentiment
An 'I don’t need it, you don’t want it experience super-imposed on by a if I let this go I may lose the very thing I’ve always searched for' kinda love.
Rooted in an honest secrecy, sprouted in swamp land marshed with deceit, tangled in the weed of uncertainty, yet fighting its way through for just a taste of a clear path through the chaos and disarray to glimpse Heaven.
It’s a 'one day I’ll rest in something sweet, lay on a promise of a sanctuary from which two souls become one, drift off to a foreign land where at last I can come home', kinda love.
~CH,MD {prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Thursday, May 25, 2006 |
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| To Hip Hop |
I guess this kinda sums it all up for me about now... So When Did You Fall In Love With Hip Hop??? I remember the exact day I fell in love with Hip Hop...little did I know how much hip hop would be a part of my life. Hip Hop was as young, naive, confused, sometimes innocent and sometimes as mischevious as I was. And as I grew up, Hip Hop grew with me, and along the way it took on all my baggage, my dreams. I felt Hip Hop and Hip Hop felt me and I know anyone who's ever heard the music feels the same way I do. For ::me:: Hip Hop was that first friend. The first to talk to ::me::, the first to understand. Hip Hop has always been that friend to me, and like any relationship, I've watched it grow, I've watched it change...The union of Hip Hop to the mainstream was a hard thing to imagine. Hip Hop was always been this personal, regional thing that belonged to just me... and now anyone with a cable box can get a piece of Hip Hop and I knew I was gonna have to share. And that was hard to get used to. Just when you think you know everything there is to know about hip hop ::and get over the idea of having it all to yourself:: it finds a way to surprise you and remind you why you fell in love in the first place...To Hip Hop, You are the perfect verse over a tight beat!
Dr. CH, MD {prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Thursday, May 25, 2006 |
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| Tuesday, May 16, 2006 |
| Irony... |
I used to think it was a girly show for foolish, horny women and then one day the roomie made mw actually sit down and watch it and now since I've seriously started writing again I see the show for so much more...yesturday I said I felt like her and Janet sent me a fun quiz and guess what the results were:
YOU ARE MOST LIKE CARRIE!!!
|  You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date.But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal?It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky.Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a great closet of clothes, no matter what!
Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year...
Totally different from any guy you've dated. |
Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?
Ironic isn't it???
Dr. CH, MD {prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Tuesday, May 16, 2006 |
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| Sunday, May 14, 2006 |
| Here and There |
Well I'm becoming what all the astrologists say about my sign...I'm all over the place. Last week I finally became Main Line certified as a bartender!!! {something I've always wanted to do} so now it's job hunting for weekend money. I'm still at the lab but I've decided that I will step out in another field that I've always felt drawn to...freelance writing.
I've written a few short stories, secretly and for classes and some of my professors say they're "publisher savy". I wasn't sure if I'd ever put my thoughts and imaginations out in the open but just for the hell of it I answered an ad for a freelance article on webmonkey and sent in my resume and cover letter and actually got the offer for a pretty good offer. So it seems, I'll be a bartending, freelance, Senior Clinical Lab Assistant and full time student while I hunt for an apartment part time lol...like a true lil Jamaican.
Maybe if it's good, I'll post the article up here, I started writing and felt like Carrie from Sex in the City and that cracked me up, all I need now is NY and sex..lol
2 Ideas they want me to think on:
One Partner in College:Is It Possible? {this one is really close to home...4yrs. strong ;-)}
Show and Prove: Are diet plans for us or everyone we want to impress? {not too sure on this one}
If anyone has any ideas on titles for either of these, lemme know, I hate titles...ight I'm back on my Carrie game ;-)
Dr. CH, MD{prayerfully} |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, May 14, 2006 |
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| Sunday, May 07, 2006 |
| World War ME! |
After my last episode of not understanding what was going on with me, I decided to handle it a lil different. I'm praying more, reading more, and finding more and more bible studies to go to and also organizing my life! This is big for me because I've never lived by a schedule, budget, and strict rules like these I've set...In my mind I have already mapped out where I should end up at 47 {sad, I know} but I think its time for me to put in concrete what steps I need to take to get there...my level of discipline is definitely growing.
I'm sure the enemy was OH SO pleased when I was down but he's bout to be one ANGRY somebody because he let me come out with my mind in tack! I didn't go to church this morning but thank GOD for Pastor Jamal Bryant and his ministry being online!!! I decided to watch his 9:30 service and his topic was PROVERBS 31!!! and it hit home on so many levels. My personal bible study this week showed me that I needed to be a better steward over everything I've been blessed with {school, finance, gifts, etc.} and in conversations and situations with family and close friends this week I've learned that my process definitely is NOT for me but for me to show those close to me who runs things in my life and evidently theirs. Well Pastor Bryant's sermon showed me how I need to get my house in order and totally live out this life of virtue. My husband, whoever he is, is somewhere becoming and I need be here in my space becoming prepared to be a ruby worthy enough to adorn his breastplate {Exodus28}, my children's futures are planned out in such a manner that their mommy needs to be able to fully cover them so they can walk out in their purpose, my friends and future are depending on me being a lady, a woman who knows who and whose she is.
I believe everyone has 2 sides of them, the side everyone sees and the side that only comes out at certain times, Beyonce has the alter ego 'Sasha' when she's performing, Jailayah has Giselle when she does her thing, and even Ms. E I believe has that alter ego EDiva when she smashes them runways...well, Candace is the student future surgeon, quiet God fearing prayer warrior, Brooklyn baby, the daughter, sister, and friend; Maxine is the rebel that does what she wants {lol}, Max gets pissed, is a poet, a dreamer, sensual character, and grudge keeping, vengeful Jamaican/New Yorker{lol}. While I think I've carried myself in such a way that anyone that knows me can call me a lady my 'behind close doors' Candace needs a lil more refinement and that's the war going on because after June '07, TRUE womanhood begins and I need to get it in order...WARNING! WOMAN AT WAR!!! |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, May 07, 2006 |
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| About Me |
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Name: DSweet1
Home: Philly by way of BROOKLYN, NYC/PA, United States
About Me: A newlywed/new mom starting a brand new chapter in life and determined to make life the most it can be from here on out!
See my complete profile
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