| Sunday, April 24, 2005 |
| Pure Gold |
Please be patient with me God is not through with me Yet! Please be patient with me God is not through with me Yet! When God gets through with me, When God gets through with me I shall come forth, I shall come forth As pure Gold!
In the title of this blog I said "My existance is merely an outward display of an inward promise brought to manifestation with constant improvement on a daily basis" What does that mean? There is a promise of a purpose inside of me that the Lord is letting me see the fruits of on a daily basis. I've learned that as I come into fruition there are some things in me that needs to be worked out of me to get to where I need to be. Now there are some people around me, especially on this campus that I don't particularly care for...don't get me wrong they haven't done anything directly to me but their mannerisms and their attitudes turn me OFF in the worst way. I've maintained the class that my mother drilled in me, stood on my own solid ground that my father gave me, and overlooked these people because of the human in me. But thanks be to God, indirectly I can see His work in these people. They are trying to change and they are growing in ways that astonish me!!! I hear the growth in the things they say, I see similarities between myself and these people in some of the ways we think and the things we've been through and indirectly {because we're just not friends} I have grown to actually have a love for these young people. I ask that God blinds me to some of the things I don't like and help me to see that glow of Him through their "rock" exterior. Father continue to bless them, give them the desires of their heart, heal their broken hearts, everything that they gave up and can never get back bring them to peace with you, every love they had to say goodbye to Father restore the empty place! In the name of Jesus! I believe in You to manifest their futures whether it be law, nursing, business, medicine, or engineering to the greatest power of your kingdom. Build them up and keep strength around them in Jesus name I pray. Keep growing, keep searching, stay focused~without you knowing it...I Love You. Dr. CH, MD |
posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, April 24, 2005  |
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| Testimony |
You know what??? I used to hear older people say this and I couldn't understand what they meant by: When I look back over my life and ALL that He's done for me, my soul cries HALLELUJAH! Thank you Lord for saving me; but now I know.I went to church today, and each time I go I realize more and more how much I love my Bishop, because of the God in her and she can preach her behind OFF!!! But in listening to her I realized that I have come through so much-not on my own or because of my greatness but because of the amazing mercy and grace of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ...In realizing this I began to list out all the things that I could remember His mercy and grace seeing me through:
1. I attend Drexel University {although that's a shout all in itself} and although I am working like a slave and with loans-I'm maintaing and growin and learning and getting closer and closer to my dream.
2.I have a family that loves me and surrounds me in strength and peace and although we may bump heads, when times get rough I know that they'll be there for me.
3.3 years ago I fell in love and recently I had to finally let it go, it hurt like all hell but the clouds are breaking and the sun is starting to peek through again and although my heart my always partially belong to that soul I know God told me NO because he has something greater for both of us and I pray his strength and his future to be built on the shoulders of Christ.
4.When I didn't work last year and had tuition to pay I never went a day without a meal and to this very moment I have NEVER been on hold-PRAISE THE LORD!!!
5.I trusted "friends" with my open soul and it was exposed and torn and I was left to drown in a sea I thought I had a rowing partner in but the Lord has shown me that friends are human too and that I cannot lean on them and I'm learning to let go of the betrayal issue but I praise God that he still provides other friends around me and I thank Him for reminding me how strong my backbone is and I didn't drown.
6.Twice Drexel has threatened not to give me housing :-o and twice my God said I have an alternative. I was left to find somewhere to live on my own for the first time without warning {in more ways than one} and the Lord provided Alisha and Stiles to me. I found my apartment with a wonderful roommate and the great thing was I was able to open the doors of our new apartment to another friend that was in need and my other half Rhonda was living RIGHT ACROSS THE HALL!!! It couldn't be any better. Then we were threatened with the closing of the building and once again the Lord stepped in and stopped those plans so we may remain right where we are...HALLELUJAH!!!
7.And last but not least: I'm Still Breathing! At 21 I realize that I could've been dead a long time ago coming from where I'm from {it ain't easy} and seeing what I've seen {it wasn't pretty}, health-wise what I've been through and what I am currently going through I thank God to just exist on His Earth and everyday that I am here solidifies that I have a purpose and I'm still here to acheive it.
I hope my testimony helped to encourage whoever reads this and praise God for what He's done, is doing, and will do and even if He doesn't do what I want I know He's able but just has a better way and His ways are higher than mine and that alone makes me smile :-)
Dr. CH, MD |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, April 24, 2005 |
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| Thursday, April 21, 2005 |
| I'm Done!!! |
I see the God in it and it only sees half...I open myself and it only cracks the door...I give my all, it gives me 1/2...I love it, it cares....
I'M DONE!!!
I can't keep doin this to myself-last nite I had the truth smacked in my face and yea I was hurt but I was also at a point of finished. "You are a strong woman from a line of strong women, and Jamaican women don't deal wit dees sorta t'ings" my daddy always makes things better {for a while}
I need a whole thing and no matter how hard it is to TOTALLY let it go, I have to let this go and neva let it come back. It'll take some time but it gotta get done. It can't come before me and neither can it come before anything close to happiness- I come first, my JOY comes first, my HEART comes first, damnit after God, me, my family, and my work everything else takes a backseat and that's just how it's gonna be.
But...God, if my father knew the foolish things I thought about and did he would smack fire outta me {lol} but I chalk it to experience and beg God for forgiveness for the dumb ish I've done and now it's time to move on.
Dr. CH, MD |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Thursday, April 21, 2005 |
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| Wednesday, April 13, 2005 |
| Beautifully Human |
She is a simple poem, enveloped in a complex song A stroke of a pencil, gradually compelled to a beautiful art form. The heart of the old school to love her man til her dying day with the soul of the new school to lay his head down and take the stress away. A tower of strength from which family & friends take light yet a lake placid that soothes and calms to restore and build new life... Capable of a mother's love without flinching, always steady with the inward build of a daddy's arm always strong and ever ready. In her eyes you'll find the spirit of the sky with the air in her cheeks, you feel the wind when she smiles. Behind that stare stands the floodgates of the deepest seas her voice hums hymns, Heaven's gates swing wide to the prayer of her key. A complicated melody, with the elements at her hand A soul built on the tears of others, taking their strain on with her own while still maintaining that elegant stance. His perfect fit, folding into his perfect frame delicate to the heart and will love him with no shame. And because she is so fearfully and wonderfully construed she is complex and impeccably suited She is wonderfully and beautifully Human.
Dr, CH. MD |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Wednesday, April 13, 2005 |
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| Friday, April 08, 2005 |
| BROOKLYN, NY |
"No matter where you are, you are what you are playa..." ~Jay
No matter where I am, I am a Brooklyn baby!!! I've come to realize that there is absolutely no where like New York City!!! Coming to Drexel got me to meet a lot of interesting people and I've learned that people react to certain things and think certain ways because of the way they were raised but also because they are a result of their element...I wonder why more chicks ain't street smart or can't tell they're bein disrespected or lookin like a fool then I wonder why a lot niggas front like they on top of everything when it's clear they ain't on top of NOTHING!!! Then I get around people from New York, not just Brooklyn niggas but Harlem, Queens, Yonkers, the Bx and I realize that we are all very similar in the way we think and react to certain things {especially in the street} and I am convinced that we think on a whole other higher level because we are results of OUR element, the world's example city-NEW YORK!!!
But let me not leave it out that the token borough is the thoroughest borough-BROOKLYN!!
Dr. CH, MD |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Friday, April 08, 2005 |
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| Thursday, April 07, 2005 |
| My Comfort... |
Let me journey close to the water There I can be at rest... Just me, the ripples, and the waves Them and me and no one else... Let the waves drift me to another place and the currents pull me in. Let me drift down the tides great splash, let my soul be born again. Purify me with the water, rinse my spirit in its waves- So my life can be refreshened for these trying times, in this painful place. There's something about being close to the water that puts me in the most comfortable place {outside of church}. There I can write the best, think the deepest, and relay certain feelings to God without any inhibitions trusting that in some way the waves would carry my prayer directly to God...Pisces thinkin I guess lol but the water is my spot and if I'm ever havin a bad day{s} find the nearest water spot and there I'll be, me, my thoughts, and the waves... Dr. CH, MD.
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| posted by DSweet1 @ Thursday, April 07, 2005 |
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| Tuesday, April 05, 2005 |
| Fool Me Twice |
There's an old saying that says, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Well shame on me!!!
I have never been the type of person that anyone even thinks of tryin to play, I wouldn't even give a nigga a chance to come out of his face to me, and here I am stuck in this position where I'm subtly bein played and I take GREAT offense to this! Many would not see it as great disrespect {and they have told me it's no big deal}, but uh uh, I don't go for dem things!I was waiting to see who was gonna be left standin when the smoke clears and I have decided that it will always be me, even if I stand alone, but I don't want the one standing by my side to be the one that won by default. I don't believe that I let this happen...
At times I wanna say where was God when I was doin this, and why didn't He stop me and remind me the same way He reminds me when I'm in other situations that I'm not gonna like that move later on?? But then I remember that although God is in charge of EVERYTHING, I tend to make things happen for myself by myself and He, in His awesome wisdom will step back and allow me to do certain things and in this case He's stepped back twice {but I still don't see the lesson in that} and later show up and say "Hey chick you get it now??? I make things move when I wanna make them move!" All I know is I gotta go back to Bk Brawler and stop this softy s**t{I'm only soft in this case, DO NOT get it twisted} and many ain't gonna like it but whateva dukes, that's ya business...
Be back lata with more I'm sure
Dr. CH, MD |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Tuesday, April 05, 2005 |
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| Sunday, April 03, 2005 |
| America the Great |
They shout that they hate us because "In God We Trust",
but the words of that very same God we twist to fit us.
They argue that we're satanistic and we take offense to this,
but how funny is it that the land we love doesn't even know who God is!
We build monuments unto ourselves, ornate to show our power
Then are shocked as hell when them "foreigners" use our planes to knock out our towers.
A war has begun and they're wanted dead or alive,
and strong we march for USA blindly to the other side.
Say they're terrorists and will pay for their twisted ways,
when on the soil of the great and free, we're drafting bills to say it's ok to marry the gays.
Law books say our forefathers paved the way for us to live
and they honor them by putting a Martin Luther King Blvd in the worst ghetto there is.
I love my country and for my city I stand strong,
but let's face it sometimes America we're just plain wrong.
Dr. CH, MD |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, April 03, 2005 |
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| Intrigue... |
The words you speak when your mouth is closed
Inspires me to be a better woman
and intrigues my own Poetic Soul...
When I think there's nothing else to write about, he speaks volumes in his poems and all of a sudden there are tons of words just waiting to become...At times he's a pressure point and then at others he relieves the pressure-these are the reasons I can't shake him...
Dr. CH, MD |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Sunday, April 03, 2005 |
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| Saturday, April 02, 2005 |
| What's the future gonna be? |
Sometimes I wonder if I'm dreamin just for the hell of dreaming. Since I was 7 I wanted to be a doctor just like Ben Carson, and all kids have that dream career but this dream never left my heart, medicine was all I ever wanted to do-yea my brothers and mother say I can argue like a great lawyer and now some people are telling me to preach but still medicine is what I wanna do. The strain I feel in my soul when I see someone aching, sick, and in pain tells me that a doctor is in my spirit...But this school work is bustin my behind something serious. I didn't think it would be easy but I didn't think it would be this hard either. It's like I can't get things the first time around and when I do get somethings I forget soon after the test is done {and that's definately not me!!!} Sometimes I think because the course load has nothing to do with taking care of sick people then I don't care and lose interest really quick. This past year has proven to me that I am definately kept here for a reason, Lord I need you to let me know...twice I have been threaten in my school work but I've never lost my determination to make-MD or Bust! I put my all in the work but then I have to check myself because I allow other thoughts to take over my mind's time.
I've never been one of them females that stressed guys too tough, I'm normally the chick to crack on them chicks that made themselves look so stupid stressin some ass that wasn't worth it, but now there's this one...I can't shake him for NOTHING!!! Neither of us need to be in a serious realtionship but something in both of us won't let us stop playin with the idea when it comes to one another, and it stresses me. What if he is the one? What if he ain't and I'm waisting my time? Why cant I shake this fool like I do the others? Why can't he shake me??? If he is the one, why aren't we just put together? and if he ain't the one, why can't he just become a memory that never replays itself? See all these questions get into my head and leaves me asking Why didn't I do this paper better? Why didn't I start studyin for that test earlier? Why did I get that grade?
Lemme get back to this work b4 I start askin more questions...I'll be back with more I'm sure
Dr. CH, MD |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Saturday, April 02, 2005 |
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| Friday, April 01, 2005 |
| In two... |
Why is it that when we find someome that unashamedly loves you, you always try to do something to mess things up??? There's a man in my life that I know without a doubt adores me {other than my Daddy} but I can't feel the same way about him because my heart is wrapped up in this other fool who at times I can't even tell if he's feelin me the same way, and that's not fair to him.
I've done somethings that should've made him hate me and never speak to me again but he surprised me and got mad but then turned around and said "Let's chalk it and work on what we got" WHAT!!!??? What thug from Brooklyn you know gonna just ova look something like that??? He's one in a million. I love him but it's a differnet kinda love for some reason...there are so many pros and cons to weigh out that make it a lil hard.
Right now he's not in school but he's workin, but I'm in school and I'm working??{that I still can't understand} He still doesn't know what he wants to do with his life, I'm on my way to being a doctor {you're 21, you should be on your way somewhere} My mom HATES him {if ma ain't happy the realtionship usually has a strain on it} my Daddy ain't too thrilled about him either {Daddy's opinion is really important too}, my best friends all know that he's NOT the one and they make that very clear because we're so different, ambition-wise {but sometimes ya girls only look on the outside, but then again sometimes I pay too much attention to the inside :-(}, then it seems at times that he would want me to carry him, and lead him to his future {Jamaican men ain't led nowhere, so this was new for me and I can't take care of anybody from scratch right now, not with BioChem tryin to kill me} but then again...
He's so good to me for no reason {rarely will you find a 21 yr old man from the streets of Brooklyn willingly layin everything out in the open}, he loves me without question and I know that if ever I needed something he would go out of his way to get it for me {but what's gonna happen when we're truely grown and REAL situations come up and my job is the far superior one, who do I lean on then???Mommy and Daddy???-I don't think so!!!}he's supportive and willing to learn about God {a wonderful plus}.
And it ain't easy when he has such a competition who has his share of flaws-TRUST!!! but also so many pluses that outweigh the cons sometimes...
And now I'm scared I messed things up...I made a promise to God so that he would show me which way to proceed but I haven't been keepin it too well, so either I might not get any answer or He'll punish me for not being true to Him.
One heart, two directions it's only a matter of time before it tears at the pressure...but is she the one pulling it in the wrong direction??? or should it even be in the midst of the two pulls??? Lord what do I do???
Dr. CH, MD. |
| posted by DSweet1 @ Friday, April 01, 2005 |
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| About Me |
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Name: DSweet1
Home: Philly by way of BROOKLYN, NYC/PA, United States
About Me: A newlywed/new mom starting a brand new chapter in life and determined to make life the most it can be from here on out!
See my complete profile
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